Shadow's Inner Sanctum
by PeeweeWolf
Summary: 2013 is going to be a big year for James and the others. He'll go on tour, film season 4, the 3rd album comes out- and he enters a mysterious boy's inner sanctum. Yeah, with the last part, most people would call himself cursed, but James would call himself blessed. WARNING: Abuse/mentions of rape/self harm
1. Chapter 1

**PLEASE READ!**

**THIS IDEA TO WRITE THIS FANFICTION WAS FROM A NOVEL CALLED _THE GOOD DREAM _BY DONNA VANLIERE! NOT ALL OF THE CONTENT IS MY IDEA! I just changed a few characters' names around to make it fit this story. The main plot/idea of this story was created by Donna VanLiere, not me. I highly reccomend reading the novel! :) I know that some of you may be thinking: "Create your own story ideas, not take someone elses. And yes, I always create my own story ideas. But after reading _The Good Dream, _I knew that I had to share this BTR fanfiction idea with you!**

* * *

_Narrator's POV:_

"You worthless sack of shit!" The 6-year-old boy's father roared after he had bopped him in the nose hard.

The boy's head felt like it was loose on his neck and there was a roar in his chest. He tried to forget about the situation he was in by thinking about the times he had with his mother, who was dead now.

She would tell him stories and play hide-and-go seek, or maybe they would go downtown and meet a few celebrities. They lived in Hollywood afterall.

"How much do I love you?" His mother would ask quite often.

He'd point to the sky and she'd grin.

"To the stars and back. That's right! How much do you love me?"

He'd look at a tree. "To that tree and back? That's only five feet away!" He shrieked when she crounched down as if to chase him. He ran but then fell seconds later, laughing. She jumped on top of him and held him down. "How much do you love me again?"

"To the stars and back two times!" The boy exclaimed.

"That's more like it." His mother would hold him tight.

But that was two long years ago. Nothing but a memory now. The boy's father stormed off into his room, hollering sinful words at his son. The boy runs out of the shack and by now tears are streaming down his face. Not only was he in pain, but he was starving too. And I mean _starving, _and he had to do something about it. In his mind, he can hear his father yelling at him to stay near the shack, but his mother's voice shouts at him to keep running. About seven or eight minutes pass before he came to a stop. This part of Hollywood was mainly just trees and a few houses here and there. This was a very small part of Hollywood though. The last time he was this far from the shack was when him and his mother were picking buttercups and daisies and sticking them out of the pockets of her dress, the one with the faded blue flowers on it.

A beautiful, medium-sized, light blue house with a veranda lies in front of him. He runs towards the house and hides behind a patch of tomatoes. He crouches low and listens for any sound. Something wet pushes against his arm and he jumps, turning on it. A little blue-and-black eyed Alaskan Klee Kai sways with the wag of his tail, and he pushes his arm again, nuzzling his head under the boy's hand. He pets his head and he licks his face, making him smile.

A tomato dangles in front of him and he pulls it from the vine, pushing it into his mouth. Red juice drips down his chin, and the dog busies himself cleaning it. A tiny row of onions is next to the tomatoes and the boy pulls one from the ground and peels off the first muddied layer, revealing the slick white head. He gnaws into it and shoves the rest in his mouth. He notices cucumbers on their vines and steps over the beans to get them. His pockets bulge with the cucumber, two more unions, and a handful of peas.

The boy looks over his shoulder to make sure no one has seen him and grabs another tomato when he hears a sliding glass door open.

"Fox! Where are you?" A young man with short brown hair calls from the door. Fortunately, the boy is hiding behind the tomato patch and other vegetables. The Alaskan Klee Kai, apparently "Fox", darts away and comes to the man.

"There you are! Who's a good boy, huh?" The man says and chuckles. Then the boy hears a sliding glass door close. That was the his chance to run back to the shack.

* * *

_1 day later_

_James Maslow's POV:_

I walk out into my backyard to check how my plants are doing before it got too dark outside. One tomato vine is broken and dangling like a puppet from the weight of the tomatoes. "Did you do this?" I ask Fox. He lies down by my feet and wags his tail. I pick the two drooping tomatoes and snap off the limb, tossing it aside. Fox nudges his head under my hand and I smooth out the black and white fur, brushing away bits of grass and leaves. "You and your making up. You need to stay out of my garden, pooch."

I quickly hoe and weed and pick Japanese beetles off the tomato plants before picking a peck of peas and gathering the cucumbers. Carlos' brother, Javi, says that gardening is a girly thing, but I always ignored him. Fox runs alongside the garden's edge and lies down in the grass. "You better stay there," I tell him, "You come over here and break my tomato vines again, and I'll take away your hedgehog chewtoy for a week. Or maybe 5 days, no 3..." My mom said I always talk to the dog too much, but there's always something in those large, deep eyes that ask, "How's your day? Where are you going? What are you doing now?" and I have to answer him.

Heat leaks down my back. I feel manly but at the same time disgusting. "You want some pickles, Fox?" He wags his tail and I pat his head. "If I'd ask you if you wanted arsenic you would have gotten just as excited."

I snack on crackers with peanut butter on them for dinner, along with some cheese. Mom would disapprove. "Crackers don't make a dinner," she'd say. "You need something to strengthen you."

But that was how I became overweight when I was a child. "You need an extra plate of mash potatoes. It'll strengthen you."

After dinner, I lay my plate at the bottom of the sink and immediately head to bed. I needed to get to bed early because I had a table read at 8:00 AM tomorrow for the show. As I drift, I hear Fox start to bark and I groan. "Please don't make me get out of bed." I beg him. Whether he would stop or not, I was too tired to get up anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

_Narrator's POV:_

Fox stops barking from the man's bedroom window. He strains to see but the moon is behind a cloud. The boy crawls to the cucumbers and feels for one; the vines have been picked clean. So he heads for the unions and pulls up three before picking two handfuls of peas that he shoves into his pockets.

He lies down between the rows of peas and looks up, watching clouds slip past the moon. Lightning bugs flicker above him, and he reaches out a finger to touch one. He tries to fight off his eyes growing tired and heavy. He knows he should be making the trek back to the shack, but the liquor won't give his dad up until morning. The boy lay there and listens to the crickets chirp as he eats one of his onions. He remembers how many stories his mom used to tell him about a famous golf course in Austin, Texas. "I love to golf," his mother would tell him, "Someday, I'll have to take you to the Onion Creek golf course and give you some of my golfing secrets. Would you like that?" The boy hated to see his mother when she was sad or worried. He remembered touching his mother's swollen eye or bloody mouth and she'd act like they didn't hurt.

He searched her eyes one day, and her eyes began to swell up with tears. But she kept a smile on her face and hugged the boy tightly. "You're not like your father...I love you so much..."

The following day after that, his father was completely drunk again, and he couldn't find Mama anywhere. It didn't take long for him to realize what had happened to her and who had done it.

The boy gets startled when he awakens from his dream. The sun slants on the hills and he reaches for one more tomato on its vine before leaving. He sprints a few steps away on his way back to the shack when he stops in his track, hearing a voice.

The boy turns around to see the very tall man he saw two days before. Only now he was wearing a leather jacket over his T-shirt with jeans.

"Hey," He says, "Who are you?"

The boy hops over a little creek not far from his yard and quickly glances back.

"What's your name? Where are you going with my tomatoes?"

He watches the man from across the creek.

"My mom says it's rude not to answer somebody when they talk to you unless it's a stranger who's going to shank you," The man chuckles and throws a rock into the creek. The man's voice is so gentle and beautiful, "I'm a stranger but I'm not planning to shank you. So, what's your name?"

Instead of a reply, the boy runs away as soon as he's finished talking.

"Wait, come back!"

The boy reaches the shack, and his heart beats faster. He rubs the sweat off his forehead and tries to catch his breath from running for so long. With clammy hands, he opens the door of the shack. The stench of beer, cigar smoke, and another smell he can't make out fills his nostrils. He sees his father throwing pork into a skillet over the lit fireplace. It sizzles and pops, and he takes the cork out of a jug full of water and pours it into a pot and puts it over the fire as well. The skillet swims with hot, splattering grease. He sits and watches, noiseless in his work. When the door closes behind the boy, his father turns around but doesn't move from his seat. "Where were you, boy?"

The boy waves his arm towards the trees, trying his hardest not to show his fear. The boy honestly felt a thousand pounds heavier and his heart was racing out of plain fear of his father. His father walks over and leans down and moves in, inches away from his face. The boy's stomach lurches. He grabs onto the boy's wrists tightly and he lets out a yelp.

"You come to me tonight, ya hear?!"

The boy nods quickly. His dad lets go and slaps the boy so hard it makes him fall to the ground. "You be back here by nightfall tonight or I'll kick your ass, pussy." The boy nods once more.

His father yanks him onto his bed in the back left corner of the shack and towers over the boy.

* * *

_So Fox didn't break the tomato vines. And that's where all of my cucumbers and peas went! _I thought to himself. _But why is he stealing my food?_

I shrug it off and walk across my backyard and into the front where my car is parked in the driveway. I insert the key and turn it and the engine roars. I pull out of my driveway and head my way to the studio. I turn up the radio and listen to "Heaven's got a plan for you." I listen to it for a while until my phone rings.

"Hello?"

"¿Qué pasa, amigo? ¿Cómo has estado? No he hablado contigo desde Año Nuevo!"

"Aaah, Jaime, my man! He sido bueno, bueno. Estoy en mi camino al estudio. Hay que pasar el rato en algún momento." I reply back to my friend.

"Sí, sí. Hey, you're getting better at talking in Spanish!" Jaime says.

We end up talking about random crap, and I even mentioned about the boy. We hung up once I reached the parking lot.

I met Steven at the entrance as I normally do. "Hey, James."

"Hey Steven."

"Have you talked to Halston in a while?" Steven asks about my girlfriend, trying to make conversation. I shook my head. Halston had been pretty busy lately.

"You'd make pretty babies together." Steven joked.

My head snaps up so fast it puts a kink in my neck. I didn't even know what to say to that.


	3. Chapter 3

_James' POV:_

I was sitting in my dining room at 8PM in a T-shirt and pajama pants (which were hand-me-downs from my brother, Philip) while eating a nice dinner of green beans and pork chops. I began to think about Steven's comment about the baby thing. I also remembered Halston's sisters saying they liked the idea of me being their brother-in-law.

I heard Fox barking again and I groaned, but then my eyes lit up in curiosity.

_What if the boy is back?_

I walked over to the sliding glass door and heard rusting from the bushes outside. I run outside in the chilly air and onto the deck. I looked out into my garden for Fox. I ran down the deck's steps in my socks and stepped forward towards the rustling bush Fox was barking at. I wasn't straining to see in the dim light of the porch because Hollywood's city lights made the sky glow with light, even if they were a mile away. I see the small, solemn face of the little boy.

* * *

_Narrator's POV:_

"Have you been eating my vegetables?" He asks in that honey-dissolving voice, already knowing the answer. He looks like he's grinning or relieved or his mind is swirling with thoughts. James notices that the boy was wearing the exact same thing when he saw him three days ago. The boy doesn't answer and the dog circles his legs.

"I see you've met Fox. I'm James, James Maslow." James reaches out his hand for the boy to shake, and so he does. The boys hand is a little sticky, and James wipes his hand on his pants, trying to ignore it.

"For a few days I was thinking you were just a crazy fan or something trying to get my attention or were maybe trying to ding-dong-ditch, but you weren't. You're a little boy. What are you? Six? Seven?" The boy raised an eyebrow when James said "a crazy fan."

_Fan? What is he talking about? _The boy thought.

James smiled at him, but looked concerned. "Where do you live? Looks like you've got some black hair under all that dirt."

"You must live close by, don't ya. Come on in! Are you hungry?"

He needs to breathe but remains tombstone still.

"I've got some pork chops and green beans in the house. I didn't make any mash potatoes, but I'll make some for you if you want some." Fox nudged his head under James' hand. "Fox is telling you to come and eat because when you eat...that means he eats. Surely you're hungry."

He nods. He follows James into the house, and James puts his hand under his nose. He steps to the sink in the kitchen and washes his hands, burying his nose into his shoulder. He turns to him and his mouth forms into the shape of a question; he looks at him for an eternity with that question on his lips, but says,"Let's go out on the porch. It's cooler there." He opens the sliding glass door and the boy follows. He sits down at the table on the deck, and James walks back inside to warm up the food. He talks loud while he works. "I don't want your mom and dad worrying about you, so I'll cook fast okay?" Even though his voice is loud, that honey voice drips in his ears and sounds so nice it makes his eyes pool. "Do they know you wander about in the night?"

A few seconds later, the smell of heaven wafts through the screen and the boy closes his eyes, sitting on his hands to keep still. "The chops will be cold but they'll still be good." James says. The food is carried out from the kitchen and onto the table. His stomach gurgles as he bounces his legs up and down. "I thought you might be thirsty." He said when the boy looked at the glass of milk next to his plate. The boy takes the glass and gulps it down in a matter of seconds and then hands it back to him. "Would you like more?"

He doesn't say anything and James holds the glass in a fumbly, wishing-for-something-to-say way. "I'll go get you some more." He goes back inside and pours some more milk into the glass and comes back out. The boy grabs a pork chop and tears at it with his teeth like an animal.

"Don't make yourself sick," James says, watching him,"Wheres your parents?"

The boy pierces as many potatoes as his fork can hold and shoves them into his mouth, scooping a great mound of beans as well.

"Slow down before you choke..."

He moves quicker and chews faster. James is pestering the boy with questions, but he doesn't answer any of them. The boy finishes his pork chops and gulps the milk, letting it drip over his mouth and chin.

"Would you like some cookies?" He nods and he wanders into the kitchen. He comes back out but then gasps and almost drops a cookie. He laughs. "Wow, I'm stupid. Sorry about that, I got spooked by my own shadow!"

The boy's head snaps up and looks at James with wide eyes. "What's wrong? Are you afraid of your own shadow? They're not going to hurt you." James asks. The boy raises an eyebrow and points to himself over and over.

"Wait, wait, wait. Shadow? Is that your name?" James asked confused, his voice cracks. The boy nods. James chuckles. _I'm not sure if I'm believing this kid. I mean what person names their child Shadow?! _James thought. "Cool name." James said with a smile, and Shadow smiled too. _Maybe it's a nickname. _James hands him some cookies and he devours them all in only a few bites. James' face is shocked or surprised or sickened; James himself doesn't even know.

"So...do you live up in those hills?" James asks, gesturing toward them. The boy doesn't move and his stillness is excruciating. "I used to climb hills when I was your age. Then I got older, and it didn't seem that exciting anymore."

James notices something bulging on his chest, beneath his overalls, and he points to it. "What do you have there?" Shadow lets down a strap on his overalls and digs into his shirt, pulling out a little book and handing it to him.

"A Bible?" The cover is old and cracked and most of the corners of the pages are torn away. James turns to the front and read a name: Ashley. "Is Ashley your mama?" James asks. Suddenly, he snatches the book back and stuffs it back in his overalls. "Is your mama here in Hollywood somewhere?" The boy shakes his head and points to the sky.

"Is she in heaven?" Shadow nods, and a little bit of James's throat slips into his stomach. "My grandfather's there too."

"What about your dad?" He points to the hills, and James nods. James sits back and watches him. Something had to be done about the condition of Shadow's clothes. Without saying goodbye or thank you or anything, Shadow pushes the plate towards James and bolts off the deck.

"Wait!" James shouts. He runs over to Shadow and hands him a bag of cookies. Shadow shakes his head no. "They're a gift."

He won't take it.

"You just tell your dad that James Maslow and his dog gave them to you."

He snatches up the sack. Then, he bolts over the creek and up the hill back home.


	4. Chapter 4

_James's POV:_

"You can come back anytime! I'll always have food!" I hollered, not sure if he heard me. I had a really hard time trying to believe what just happened. When I was younger in high school, many of my freinds lied to me all the time and teased me because I'm gullible. Ever since then, I have a hard time trusting people.

_He's got to be lying about something,_ I thought, _I mean what are the odds of me happened to be startled by my own shadow and that happens to be his name?! He's- This is so jacked up!_

I thought again, _Maybe it's faith. Maybe God wanted me to know his name. He wanted me to meet this boy._

I opened the back door and walked inside.

* * *

The following morning, I'm at work and we are going to begin filming the one of the episodes of this season.

The cast was eating lunch, and we were wating for one of the loud bells to ring; the one that sounded like a little siren. That sound meant that we should get on the set and get into scene. There was a din of chatter, and everyone had their own every-day conversations.

"Hey, guys," I interrupt,"Guess what? I found someone stealing the vegetables from my garden."

"Gardening is for girls." Carlos whispers to annoy me.

"Shut up, Carlos. Anyway-"

"Why didn't you tell us earlier? How long has 'eh been stealing from you?!" Logan asks.

"I don't know. I didn't find it to be a very big deal. He's been stealing from my garden for a week. Maybe more.

"So who is he?" Kendall asks.

"A little boy," I say, taking a big bite out of my pavlova and swallowing it almost whole before I speak again. Yeah, not the healthiest lunch in the world,"No older than six 'er seven, I guess. Greasy and matted black long hair with dirt. His eyes are bright blue like sapphire. He showed up in my garden at...what, 8? 9PM?"

Carlos's face flattens. "What's his name?"

"You might find this hard to believe, but his name is Shadow-"

"Yeah, right."

"It's true! I'm telling you! But anyway, I asked him about his family and stuff. He never said a word. When I asked about his mother, he pointed up to the sky."

Erin's heart sunk. "Aw, poor little thing!"

Glickman was eavesdropping. "You mean you fed some kid you don't even know? A kid who was stealing from you?"

"Because he had to. He's a hungry lil' thing."

"Stealing's stealing," He says, "You don't look at a theif and say, 'Come on in. I've got more good stuff here.'" I feel my neck tightening and I ignore him. Logan grunts and crosses his arms. He wiped away imaginary dust from the table and leaned himself against it. "Could it have been the Lark boy from over on the hill on Goosedale Drive?"

"They don't live there anymore. They left years ago." Robert Byrd, the janitor, chimes in as he comes in to mop the floor from the other side of the room, "Damn, it's cold as hell in here." He complains about the 68 degree temperature in the room. He's always complaining.

Kendall turns around to look at him with one of his big eyebrows raised. "Um, Robert- hell is hot!" Robert looks angry about his reply but Robert always sounds angry, mostly with his wife who is a constant disappointment to him. I guess he figures smacking her around will make her less disappointing. I've never liked Robert and don't intend to start making conversation with him today.

"What am I hearing in here?" Carlie asks as she walked in late for work.

"Nothing Clarlie-Belle." Kendall says using her nickname.

She turns to look at me. "Are you feeding some kid that's from the hills nearby your house?"

I wave my hand in the air. "It's no big deal, Carlie." She steps forward as if she's just been called as a star witness at a murder trial. "No big deal? Do you know those people up there? They've got their own ways."

"Alright, Carlie. Message recieved."

Carlie and Robert both give me a look that says I'm crazy for not heeding Carlie's words, and I quickly get up and slam down my used napkin into the full trashcan. I come back and sit down. "I'll let you guys know what I find out. I told him he could come back."

"Be careful," Steven says,"You could be inviting the devil himself in." As soon as he uttered the last word of his warning, the bell rang that meant that lunch was over and to head to the set.

* * *

_Logan's POV:_

As soon as I came home from work at 7PM, I turned on my computer and went stright to twitter. I saw that Carlos had tweeted a photo and decided to see what's up. It was a picture of him and his girlfriend at a restraunt, sharing a big plate of Swordfish involtini. I smiled at the two of them. I happened to glance at the comments under the photo:

**Aww :) You guys are cute!**

**Wow that food looks good! And I'm here eating stupid Frosted Flakes. -_-**

**Don't eat all that food Carlos or else you'll end up fat like Logan.**

Ouch. That hurt bad. I didn't know what to think of that comment. I shook my head and tried to ignore it. But the comment was still locked on my mind as I opened up a new tab and went to Google Images. I knew that because I was famous, I could easily find a lot of photos there. I typed in my name in the search bar at the top and here were some related searches that popped up under it:

**Logan Henderson**

**Logan Henderson Big time Rush**

**Logan Henderson and Kendall Schmidt**

**Logan Henderson fat**

It had been less than 2 minutes and I already found two comments saying I was overweight. I never liked the word "Fat" because that word sounded offensive. To me, "overweight" looked like a more...formal, a bit nicer way to address someone as. I wasn't really sure how to explain it.

I mean sure, over the past 2 years I had started working out and had gained a couple pounds, but does that mean I'm...that? I chuckled. This was something a woman would be bugging about, not a grown man. But I mean come on! A couple people had made fun of me for being the scrawny guy of the group, and I also noticed that my bandmates were starting to work out. So I did too, and now they're calling me fat?! What the fuck do they want from me?!I was so confused. Kendall, James, and Carlos said I looked fine. In fact while we were in Malibu, Kendall would cover his lower area with the closest pillow there was everytime I entered the room wearing my swim trunks. And I knew what he was hiding.

Although I shouldn't let this get to me, it made me angry. Tears pricked my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. Forgetting about changing my profile picture, I slammed my computer shut in the blink of an eye.


	5. Chapter 5

_James' POV:_

It is 8PM in the night and I walk onto my front porch and sit down in a chiar to wait for my girlfriend, Halston, to come. As I wait, thoughts of Shadow roll through my mind. I look down at Fox who is sitting on my lap and fold one of his ears in my hand, rubbing it. "We're not supposed to have secrets you know." Fox cocks his head and I look him in the eyes. "You should have told me what was going on out here, pooch." Something is shining at the end of the street and I squint to get a better look. Halston.

By the creek running through my backyard, I hold her hand while she balances on the rocks jutting up from the creek bed. "One push is all it takes to give you a good soaking." I tease, pretending to push her arm. "Don't do it, James Maslow! Things would end very bad for you." She jumps from rock to rock and grips tighter to my hand. I use my free hand to push her off-balance, and she pulls me in with her, screaming as she goes. I holler but it's too late: I'm soaked up to my waist. Fox jumps in after us and barks his full head off as I dunk Halston. She screams, coming up out of the water, and she tries to force me under, pulling with all her might. I can't stop laughing as I stand firm in the water. "You can't do it, Miss Sage. I'm so strong, you'll never pull me under."

She tries to buckle my legs from under me and I push her away. "Say it. Say, 'James, you're so strong.'" Halston laughs as I hold her face in my hands and give her a quick kiss. "Say it, Halston. Say, 'James, you're so strong.'" My lips are still pressed against hers as I say it. Halston makes her breath all airy like Scarlet O'Hara. "Why Mr. Maslow! I do declare, you are very, _very _strong." I lean in like I'm going to kiss her and rock her backward into the water. She slams into my legs and she finally knocks me off-balance, holding me under. I pick her up out of the water, holding her like a child and settling my gaze on her. I walk very, very slowly in the creek, occasionally just standing where I am and rocking her in my arms. I wanted to savor this moment; my arms would get tired real soon. Halston looks up at me and then nuzzles her nose inbetween my side and arm, her eyes growing heavy.

I wonder if this wonderful feeling will ever stop. The air is spiked with the smell of honey-suckle, and there are only low-hanging trees, the crickets chirping, the stars above us, a few blackberry brambles, a sleeping dog, warm creek water, and us. My smile widens even more at the thought. Just...us.

* * *

_Narrator's POV:_

Shadow went back to the shack the night before after he left James's house, but when he came back, his father was asleep. The boy knew that when he woke up, he would be mad that Shadow snuck out of the house. Sure enough, when his dad had woken up this morning, he was.

"Where'd you get these?" The man was holding the sack of cookies. His sour breath stung Shadow's nose and he saw the bloodred thread in the man's eyes. The boy had pointed wildly.

"Where out there?" His father shoved him out the door of the shack and he fell off the porch. The man's foot landed on his ribs and Shadow crumpled to the ground. "Did you go downtown?!"

The boy shook his head and pointed eastward in James's house's direction.

"Where?!" His father's voice boomed like thunder and the boy pointed again eastward.

"The yellow house down yonder?"

The boy agreed, lying.

Dad pulled him to his feet. "Didn't I tell you to stay away from them?" Tears streamed down Shadow's face as his father slapped him hard. He kicked him in the stomch and he fell backward. "The next time you do something like this I'll kick your scrawny ass into next week, you hear Shadow?"

Shadow nodded.

"You are a worthless sack of shit. I should've shot you and of been done with you." His father fingered the straps on Shadow's overalls, letting one side fall and giving the little boy glares that said, "burn in the firey pitss of hell" before stomping into his room.

Shadow had struggled to get up after the beating. Minutes passed by and he reached for the sack of cookies and trudged out of the shack, not obeying his father's orders. He trudged with it down the hillside behind the fallen trees to the entrance of a cave. He squeezed inside and bent over. He opened the sack and took out two of the seven cookies. He pressed it under his nose and breathed it in. He stopped gasping for breath and his breathing slowed. He remembers the dog and the handsome man's beautiful smile and beautiful voice, and the way he handed him a plate of food. James Maslow. James and Fox. He ate a cookie, letting the taste spread through him, and he closed his eyes.

It was now 8PM at night when Shadow had an immense pitch of pain shoot through his leg and he awakens, kicking and grasping for the rocky wall.

"You don't think I know you come here?" His father growled, pulling the boy leg first out of the cave and shaking him like prey. "You get up where you belong." His father pushed his son up the hill. The boy's blood is making a racket in his ears again as he walks into the shack. The man latches onto him beneath his arm and staggers into the shack, yanking down the doy's overalls. Vinegary breath crawls up Shadow's nose. Shadow reaches back into his mind, back where the cookies smell sweet and James' voice is the sound of sunrise. He shuts his eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

_Narrator's POV:_

Two days had passed and James had not seen Shadow, and he was getting worried. James had bought apple juice, cooked an overload of food that evening, and even bought him a navy blue shirt and new overalls. James hoped that it was his size; he wasn't very observant of certain things. And yet, he did all of this for a boy who may or may not come. When he heard a knock on his front door at 7PM, his heart was racing. It was always a surprise who it could be.

_A sales person?_ Fans?_ Jaime? Kendall? Logan? Carlos? Halston? Sarah? Mom? Dad? Scott? Javi? Jordan? ...Shadow?_

His question was answered.

"Hey, baby!" Halston yelled, wrapping her arms around him.

"Hey, Miss Pretty." He replied, giving her a passionate kiss. "What're you doing here?"

"You don't want me here?"

"What? Of course I love it when you're here! You can come anytime!" He led her to one of the chairs in the dining room and went into the kitchen. He comes back with a glass full of peach tea and sets it on the table for her. "What are y-" Halston asks, but is cut off when James picks her up. James sat down in her chair and plopped her on his lap. Halston shows her upper lip, giving him a pouty face. "I like bendy-straws."

James smiles. "You'll live."

Through the doorway, she noticed the wok filled with stir fry in the kitchen. "You've been busy. Are you having company?"

"I might be getting company. I don't know, exactly."

She laughs and takes a long drink. "What kind of company is that, if you don't know if their coming or not?"

"A little boy named- named Shadow has been visiting me on and off for a couple of weeks now. I never know when he's coming. I don't even know if he'll come back."

She scrunched her eyebrows at the boy's name. "Who's little boy is he?"

"Nobody knows. His mother died and he lives a ways away with his dad."

She turns her head around to look at him; she's inches away from his face. "You don't know anything about him?"

"Not really." He said, laying his head on her shoulder.

"Then why are you feeding him?" He doesn't like her tone and something buzzes in his chest. He feels his face get hot. "'Cause he's hungry."

Her face softens. She taps his hand with her finger. "You are something, James Maslow! Not many people would feed a stranger like that. I don't know if I could do it. Do you know who his father is?"

"No. The boy doesn't talk much."

"So what do you know?"

He shakes his head. "Not much. I'm still piecing things together.

Halston untangles Jame's arms around her and stands up, facing Fox who was infront of them trying to catch and eat a housefly. "I don't think this is a good idea. I mean, I think it's really nice that you're feeding this boy but you could be opening up hell if you keep opening your door to him."

The heat is rising to his face again. "What kind of 'hell'?"

She turns to him. "You know how many dangerous people there are here in Hollywood. We all know. Leave peasants and fags and criminals to themselves, Jamie."

He tries to ignore her hateful words. He still can't stand her tone of voice; so calm and like she knows more about everything than him. He wants to stand but forces himself to stay in his seat. "So I turn away a hungry little boy?"

She looks out the screen door that leads to his deck again and he wants to tell her to face him.

"They take care of eachother..." She turns to look at him. "And we take care of eachother." She leans down to kiss him. "They could hurt you. That's all I'm saying." She kisses him and holds his chin in her left hand. "You be careful."

It was 9PM now, and Halston left about 10 minutes ago. James gives up waiting and is about to put the stir fry away when Fox barks. He lifts his head and sees Shadow standing under the porch light in the exact same overalls last week, and the week before that.

"Well, where have you been?" James asks, moving toward the door. Shadow's eyes are hollow and the veins in his neck stick out like straws. James opens the door, letting him inside. He holds his breath at the smell and bends down to look at him. He notices a bruise on the boy's right cheek but tries to ignore it. "Fox missed you." The boy turns to look at Fox on the porch and James can't get over his appearance and smell and how his eyes look right through him. "I made stir fry. I don't know if you've had stir fry before but it's healthy and tastes really good. Would you like some?" Shadow's eyes brighten a bit.

"I'll warm it up." James moves into the kitchen and puts it in the microwave for 45 seconds, but Shadow doesn't budge.

James darts into his room and comes back with the brand new shirt and overalls. He bends down next to him and shows him.

"I noticed that you've worn those overalls for a while now. I'm not sure if this is your size, but I bought you some brand new overalls. Would you like to go into my bathroom and put them on?"

He doesn't respond.

James hears the microwave go off and ignores it. "Do you know how to put overalls on?"

Shadow doesn't answer.

"Shadow, if you're going to keep coming here, you need to talk to me. Would you like me to help you put them on?"

Shadow's eyebrows scrunch up a little.

"I don't want to do anything that'll make you feel uncomfortable. If you don't want me to help you- that's perfectly fine. But you really need some new clothes."

Finally, he shakes his head.

"Alrighty, c'mon. I'll show you my bathroom." He follows him through the house, and James can't even imagine what Halston or even Carlie would think of him helping this boy change clothes. He led Shadow to the bathroom and turned on the light. He looks over at the bathtub as if he'd never seen one before, same as the toilet. James points to the tub. "You've never seen one of these before?"

His face is vacant.

James gently turns him around where he's facing the doorway.

"Are you okay, Shadow?" James asks one more time. Shadow doesn't do much as twitch.

"Shadow?" James asks gently.

Shadow finally nods. James reaches for the denim straps and slips them down his arms. "Holy sh-" James gasps, stumbling behind himself and over the toilet. The boy doesn't move and James feels sick to his stomach, his arms and legs shaking. The flesh on his back is torn and crusted with blood. Words fly through James's mind but he can't get them past his throat. He cannot blink or breathe. He eases the overalls down Shadow's legs and sees lash marks on the back of his legs. He put his hands on his arms and swung him around; he won't look at James.

"Who.." James's voice sounds hollow and lost somewhere above him. He wants to throw up but he puts his hand on the bottom of his chin and lifts it; looking into those blue, ghost eyes. "Who did this to you?"

He doesn't even blink, looking at James.

James had never been in a situation like this before. "H- How about I clean you up." He whispers, pulling Shadow's disgusting, old overalls off.

James turns on the water. "Can you step into the tub for me?" He takes his hand and leads him to the edge of the tub. He looks at it but doesn't move.

"Please," He says, his stomach churning. "Step in and let me clean you up."

He lifts his legs and steps into the water, watching it from above.

"If you sit down in it, I can clean your back and wash your hair."

He sits as slow as an old man and James splashes the water over his legs. Shadow doesn't catch his eye but watches the water like our men and women watched the enemy in a war. James is easy and gentle as he washes his legs and stomach as he hums "No Idea" to calm Shadow down. The water is already a brownish-black, and James lets that water go down the drain and fills the bathtub with new water. He works his hands into a thick lather for his neck and face, keeping soap away from his eyes. He uses a washrag to rinse away the soap and moves around to his back, where he stops working. James doesn't know what to do. He doesn't have anything to clean the wounds except soap and that would hurt. He decides to wash his hair and just use water to clean the wounds for now.

"Can you get your head down in the water?" He can't and James looks around. He darts into the kitchen to get a large blue cup and comes back with it. He fills it up with water and pours it real slow over the boy's head and back. As it drains over Shadow's face and some of the soap rushes over on his back, he jumps and kicks his legs, falling backward into the tub. He slides under the water, and when his head pops up, the sound of a wounded animal echos throughout the bathroom. James sets the pitcher on the floor and grabs his hands, trying to pull him up. Shadow is shaking and moaning and clawing his way up out of the tub, splashing water over the rim. "It's okay," James says, reaching for a towel.

Shadow is flailing his arms and is screaming in pain. James is afraid to wrap a towel around him, not wanting to do anymore accidental-damage. He pulls the naked boy close to him in a hug, wrapping his arms around the very bottom of his back and his neck. They are both sopping wet. "Shh, shh, shh," James says, rubbing his head. "It's okay. You're okay. I've got you."

Shadow moans and it's the saddest, longest, and loneliest sound James has ever heard, the kind of sound that steals your breath. James is immediately brought to tears.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," He whispers, tears blocking his vision,"I've got you, I've got you."

After getting him dressed, he doesn't want to see Shadow run off after supper, but he does and James stands on the back porch with a hole in his insides like he'd thrown himself on a live grenade.

_I should've called the police._

_I shouldn't have tried to take him a bath._

_I should've done this, I should've done that._

He felt so guilty for not handling it better. He sat in the dark on the deck and Fox puts his head in his lap, James' tears falling into the soft fur of his head.

_This isn't over. I know it's not._


	7. Chapter 7

_Narrator's POV:_

Today, a Saturday, the sky is the color of cinnamon when the sun comes up and by the way the clouds bulge, they are full of rain. James, Kendall, Carlos, and Logan were learning some choreography for the 3rd Album. Their choreographer was named Antonio; tall, tan, friendly, and a good dancer.

Carlos was good. So was Logan. They had an instinct for choreography. It didn't take the two long to learn a dance either, but neither of them took critisism very well if it was thrown at them. Kendall was- Kendall. He took twice as much effort to even get the basics right. Moving from one place to another and a body to move however it wants in a blink of an eye was just too hard for him to handle. Antonio had to work with him more than anybody. James, however, was born to dance. If anyone could learn a hard dance in seconds and master it, it was him. But tody, he was acting different, as if his mind was somewhere else. Plus, lack of sleep the other night, thinking about Shadow, did not help make matters any better.

"Are you okay, James? It's like today you're here, but...you're not here. You know what I mean?" Antonio asked James.

"Yeah, I'm fine." James mumbled, followed by a shaky breath. A dread stab of fear made his breathing hard all day. He told his friends about the boy, but they didn't believe him. But there was something even more worth worrying about.

_How does he live up there with all sense of hope silenced?, _He thought in the middle of learning a dance move for the 4th song on their album, _Little boys and girls should grow up amazed at the works of God; amazed how a fish breathes or how a flower opens up to the sun and then goes to bed at night or how the wind moves._

_"We take care of eachother." Halston said, "Leave them to themselves._

Shadow's fleshy back flashes through James's mind. James gasped when he suddenly stumbles to the ground with something on top of him.

"Sorry, James. I slipped." Logan said, getting up and lending a hand to help James up too. "It's okay, buddy."

"Logan, what happened? Been eating to much candy lately?" Antonio said jokingly. Most of the people in the room chuckled. Logan plastered a fake smile on his face, trying to look unhurt and amused. But on the inside, he was breaking with all those comments about his weight.

"We were just joking, Loges." Kendall said.

"Huh? Uh- y- yeah, I know." Logan put an even bigger smile on to please the blonde.

"Ok, well let's-"

Then a bell rang.

"Three o'clock already? Well, time to go! See you on Monday, guys. 8AM." Antonia said with a smile, his arms crossed.

_Maybe I should call Sheriff Dutton, but I know he'd tell me that area is out of his jurisdiction. Then whose are they?! _James ponders as they leave the building and walk out into the parking lot.

Just as Carlos opens his car door to get in, James grabs his hand, deciding on what he's going to do.

"I need your help."

Carlos spins around. "With what?"

"You believe me about Shadow, don't ya?"

Carlos pauses. "I'm having trouble, James. I'm having trouble trying to figure out if your telling the truth."

"I can prove it to you, Carlos. But I need you to help me do that."

"How?"

"...Drive to my house. I gotta idea." James runs towards his car, and Carlos shrugs, getting in, and follows James to his house.

They are both in his driveway. "Get in my car." James orders.

"O- okay." Carlos sits in the passenger seat as James runs into his house and comes back with his Sig Sauer Misquito .22 LR 3.9"

"James, why do you have your gun?" Carlos asks him as he slams the car door and drives out of the driveway.

"Just in case I need it." James had fire in his eyes. Carlos didn't know that, but James was determined. Determined for something. He's never seen him like this before. Carlos felt his stomach begin to hurt out of worry.

"Where are we going?"

"I'm going to find Shadow's house. I don't know what I'll do after that."

"Oh...okay." Carlos sinks down in the seat. It begins to rain.

James is flying through Los Angeles, trying to find out where he could be. After at least 40 minutes of driving around, he parks in a stranger's driveway. The little house was yellow and its shingles on the roof were forest green. There was a colorful flowerbed by the house's porch. It didn't look like an abused boy would live here, but James was getting desperate.

"Come on." James ordered. They both slam the car door behind them and run to the house's front door on the porch to avoid the rain. James has his gun in his hand, his hand resting by his side.

James rings the doorbell, but no one answers. Carlos looks around making sure whoever lives here was outside or not.

"Hey!" James yells at the door. Carlos feels his hands shaking. The door opens, and a rail-thin woman with willowy arms, large eyes, and a long nose steps out, frowning. She notices James' gun and her face grows more solemn.

"Is the boy here? Shadow?" James asks over the rain.

"You're feeding him now?" She asks.

_Feeding him now? _He thought. He nods.

"We fed him as long as we could after his mother died, but we've been bad off the last few weeks." Carlos is starting to believe James a little more. James glances at the house and the inside of the house. They have nothing but were giving him food. The thought tears at his heart.

"When did she die?" Carlos asks.

Her face falls in on itself, looking blunt and empty. "Don't recall exactly. A year or two ago." She shouts against the rain.

"Is he here?"

She points up the street. "I'm pretty sure his place is at the end of the street. Not many houses up there. Hardly any."

"Thank you for your time, ma'am." James says as they turn to leave. They get back into the car.

James drives for about a mile, and they spot a small shack, nothing more than a lean-to in the middle of a clump of trees. It looks small and abandoned. "I think this is it." Carlos whispers, barely audible. He feels his heart banging against his chest. James, however, has that weird determination or angry look in his eyes that is there very rarely. They park on another street nearby.

"Carlos, I need you to stay here. When I come back, I'll call the police. If I don't come back in 20 minutes, I want you to call the police, got it?"

Carlos nods.

"Please don't get hurt." Carlos whines, worried.

"I can't promise, but I'll try." James places a quick kiss on his forehead. "Pray very, very hard."

James gets a grip on his gun and slams the car door shut. He runs the rest of the way to the shack in the pouring rain. He's soaking wet, but he doesn't care. The smell of the trees and the flowers fill his nostrils as he tries to calm himself down. He tries to think about Carlos, Kendall, and Logan.

James is not far away from the shack anymore.

A man stands to his feet on the ramshackle porch and lifts something to his mouth. He takes a long swig and watches James approach. Something menacing and dangerous crawls through James's veins. His heart is pounding inside his stomach now and it's as if something closes around his ears, shutting out the rain and the knock of his ribs, and it sounds as if he's underwater. Now he stands a good distance away from the man. James still has that I'm-not-backing-down-no-matter-what-the-fuck-happe ns face. James holds his little gun higher. A minute or an hour goes by as he faces him. He's a Tennessean pot-gutted, banty rooster type. He steps off the porch into the rain and looks at James, taking another swig from his jug. James doesn't know who he is and doesn't ask. This man has hurled away his existence and comes up here to stay tucked away from the world of enemies below-none of who are scarier than he in this pit of hell he's created, where he beats the flesh off a little boy's back in this secret place of horror that slithers with puke and filth and evil.

"Long time since I've seen a Jew." The man comments, noticing James' Jewish-symbol necklace he's wearing. The man's blue eyes are dull with poison and seeping in the corners.

"Good God almighty," the man says, his voice full of gravel, "Point'n a gun isn't a-"

"Where's Shadow?"

The man laughs and a white flash of anger, clean and sharp as a tobacco blade, cuts through James. "I'll blow a hole in your chest if you take another step towards me." James's voice is firm.

The man's face flattens; then he laughs and takes a step. James aims the gun at his feet and pulls the trigger. The sound ricochets off the soggy earth and wet trees and dies.

"What the hell do you want?" He's angry and drunk.

When one stupid man killed 12 people at a movie theater and injured 70 people, James was angry. When the terrorists killed all those Americans on 9-11, fury flew from out every corner of his body. But rage is different. It's like a fire, flaming out and licking at things in the way. "Where. Is. Shadow."

The man sways side to side and curls his mouth up in a sick and disturbing way. "What do you want him for?"

"I want to take him." James didn't know why that's why he had to come, but at this moment it was clear to him.

He smiles and a fiery blaze sets aflame in James' stomach. "How much?" The man asks.

James gropes for something to say. "Wha..."

He inches towards James. "Give me the gun for him."

James's mind is firing in all directions. "Give me the boy for the gun."

He laughs and reaches for a branch on the tree to hold. "I never thought a person like you could be so-"

He doesn't let him finish. "Give me the boy!"

His eyes narrow, looking at James. "Why do you want that scrawny assed thing?"

"Where is he?" James shouts over the rain. The man makes a sweeping arc with his arm. "Back yonder."

Without a word, James runs around to the other side of the shack, and he can hear his breath in his ears as he looks around, never turning his back where he left the man.

James's heart buckles and stops when he sees small legs lying on the ground and he runs the short distance to Shadow. His face is in the mud, his eyes are closed, and he's as still as death.


	8. Chapter 8

_James's POV:_

Lightning flashes through my head and my legs feel numb. "God! Oh, God! Please!" I call out, touching him. I have no idea how I can pick him up and hold the gun. Tears prick in my eyes.

_I need help, God. Help me, please!_

I try to stuff the gun in my pocket and lean down, putting my arms under the boy's stomach to lift him; he flops like a wet and muddy rag doll. I pull him tight to my body and shove my other arm under his legs, groaning as I stand. The way the boy smells; I have trouble trying not to throw up. I slip on the leaves and muck and stagger towards the front of the shack, ready to leave ASAP. "I got you, I got you." My bottom lids fill with tears and cloud my vision. Thinking of Shadow's father doing this to him without any regret makes anger climb hand over fist up my sides and I cry out.

I notice that the man has moved, and I dart my eyes from side to side looking for him. He's on the porch, aiming a rifle at me.

"I don't take to nobody holding a gun on me."

I'm not afraid. Looking at the limp little body draped out on my arms, I want to pull my trigger.

"Sure, go ahead and kill me! There will still be a posse of men who will come up here and track you down like the animals you eat. They know you're up here, they know your name, and they'll know what you've been doing to this boy."

He lowers the rifle. "He's nothing but a sack of shit."

I glare at him even harder. "Don't you ever look for him. Don't you ever go near him again!"

He steps off the porch. "Where's my gun?"

I take the remaining shell out of the chamber, putting it in my pocket. I throw my $300 gun far to the side and stagger away and down the street with Shadow in my arms.

"Go to the holocaust where you belong!" I hear the man yell after me. He keeps yelling and cursing as I make my way towards the car.

I run over to the car, and Carlos opens it for me. His eyes are wide. "Oh, my God! Wha-? Who-?" He begins to stutter, full of so many questions and comments and he's not sure which to ask or say first. "We need to get him to a hospital. Now."

I lay Shadow in the back seat of the car and wrap a blanket around him. Carlos calls the police as I drive. Then, he calls Kendall, Logan, Phillip, and my mom to come and meet us at the hospital.

* * *

"I should have gone yesterday," I cried, four hours later as the 5 of us (Logan had gone to the restroom) were sitting near Shadow's hospital bed. He is bruised red and black and there are bandages covering his body. The doctors dried his naked limbs earlier, careful as they dabbed the bloood.

"Dammit, I should've gone yesterday." I lay my face in my hands, not caring right now about cursing in front of my mother. "I knew I should have gone, but I didn't."

"You didn't know anything, James." Phillip says.

"I _did_ know, Phillip!" I shout in a water-choked voice. My eyes are wild and big and my face is screwed up looking at him.

"But you did do something,"Kendall muttered, stopping me,"Look at him! You brought him here.

My eyelids are swollen and pink and my hands are shaking. My spirit has always been as unbreakable as steel beams, but what happened in those hills has snapped it clean in half.

"I wish Fox was here." I mutter.

"So...what happened?" Logan asked gently as he came back, wondering what he had missed.

But my answer was different. "I looked right into the pit of hell and smelled evil, Logan. It was vile and putrid and stank like death", I reach my hand up and put it on the boy's head,"I never thought you could hear darkness, but you can." I catch Logan's eye, and mine are fierce and full of rattlesnake-tail anger. "Its voice slithered up and wrapped its bony fingers around my spine and sank its teeth in my ears."

No one had ever seen me like this; I was totally wrecked by Shadow.

Doctor Langley's voice brings me to my feet. He was even taller than me; in his early 50s and yet still very handsome. Doctor Langley walks with his head thrust forward, as if he's always after something that is being pulled away from him.

We all back away a few steps to let him and the nurse behind him do their work. He pulls up a chair and throws a medical bag on the side of the bed, opening it. He reaches for the boy's eyes and peels back their lids, then opens his mouth and feels around with his glove-covered finger. He drapes his stethoscope around his neck and pulls the sheet off the boy, putting his hand on his neck. He lays the end of the stethoscope on the bird-bone chest and listens. The nurse fills a warm bowl up with water and grabs some washrags and fills a shot with certain fluid, working in silence.

"So his name is Shadow..." Doc starts off.

"Yes, but I don't know his last name." I tell him.

Doc Langley checks the wound on the boy's head. "Actually, his name is Shadow Alaric Davis. He's six years old and his father's name is Alaric Davis." The nurse said. She must've found that out from an uncovered birth certificate or an officer or a file or something; I have no idea.

"Such a pretty name." Carlos muttered. "Shadow Alaric Davis."

"He took a blow to the head," He looks up at me,"How long has he been like this?"

"He was like this when I found him at 4 o'clock. It's 9:30 now."

Doc's face doesn't tell us anything. "Where did you find him?"

"In the mud behind the home."

Doc nods and feels the boy's ribs, arms and legs. He slowly turns the boy on his side, and his brows squeeze together in the middle as he checks Shadow's back.

"Why isn't he waking up?" I ask.

Doc sighs and touches bruises on the back of the boy's legs. "His brain is injured."

"When will he wake up?" My mother asks.

Doc is quiet. "I don't know. I've never seen a patient like this." I look at my doctor good and well and know that he's seen a patient like this. Years ago, when Fred Doakes got kicked in the head by that horse, he was knocked out cold. He lay in a coma for five days before he finally died, but Doc doesn't mention that, so neither do I.

Doc opens a bottle from his medical bag and pours it into the warm water. "We'll need to clean these wounds."

The nurse covers two of her fingers with a rag and sticks them in the bowl, squeezing out a bit of the water before dabbing the wounds. The nurse holds her mouth in a tight line and I can tell she's sick over what she sees. Doc studies the small frame and begins to clean the wounds around his lower area. He keeps his voice low,"He's been sodomized."

Logan didn't mean to, but a loud gasp escapes his lips. Those words are the size of a fist in my throat, and the tears start coming back. We all exchange looks.

"Poor little lamb." Carlos whispers.

"Dear Lord", My mother says, covering her mouth,"Who could do such a thing?"

"Alaric Davis could." Kendall answers through clenched teeth in pure anger.

"What's going to happen to him?" Phillip asks.

"I'm going to raise him." I replied.


	9. Chapter 9

_James' POV:_

An uneasy quiet settles on the room, and everyone, even my mother, stares at me like I am crazy. I don't look up at my brother because I already know what he's thinking. "Are you sure about that, James?" Doc asks. He takes off his glasses that dig into the flesh behind his ears and runs a calloused finger along the deep crevice. He flattens the hair on his head, and you could tell that his graying has taken a rest from combs and hairbrushes for years now. "You don't know anything about this boy."

"I know his name is Shadow Alaric Davis, his mother is dead, and his asshole of a father will be locked up."

"There are homes that-"

I don't let him finish. "The state home? Is that what you mean? Where they put all the crazies? He's not crazy, Doc." Phillip still hasn't said anything, and it's driving me nuts. "Go 'head. Say what's on your mind, Phillip. I know your dying to."

Phillip sits in the corner chair and rubs his hands together like he's trying to keep warm by a fire. "This boy...has had a hard life," he's staring into his hands,"Who knows what he's been born into!"

_What, so I, the only person that Shadow probably trusts, am going to lay helpless and do nothing to help him? I can't help him deal with all the future heartache that he will have about his past? I can't tell him that his father was wrong; tell him that he was never born an accident? I can't tell him about God, or  
heaven, nothing? I can't comfort him from the nightmares about his past he will have? Hell, I won't let him wait till everyone's asleep so he can cry in peace like he could in a foster home or wherever he'd go. I'd help him get through this. Someone has to help this young vessel._

"Jamie," Phillip continues; using the nickname that I only give him the permission to use,"There are people who can help this boy."

"And I'm the one that's going to help him!"

Phillip stared up at me. "Jamie-"

"No! Hell to the no! Shadow telling his feelings to strangers who call themselves 'therapists' that pretend to like you is not help...and quit calling him 'the boy'...he has a name."

Phillip looks into my eyes and shrugs. "Alright, do what you want...I trust you."

Doctor Langley lifts a jar of salve and starts working into Shadow's wounds; it smells sweet and burnt and glistens on the boy's flesh. "The ribs will have to heal on their own," he says, standing up to leave,"There is no point wrapping them. They just do worse that way. I'll call Sheriff Dutton. I don't care if those hills aren't his jurisdiction. You don't do this to a child. You don't do this to an animal. The sheriff will want to come to see the boy and talk with you. And you'll have to ask him about the papers to sign and things if you want to take Shadow into custody. The court has jurisdiction over the matter."

When Doctor Langley leaves, I turn around and ask them. "Am I crazy."

"A wee bit." Logan comments. Kendall nods, smiling a little.

"Sometimes we're called on to do crazy things." Carlos says.

* * *

Five days had passed, and Shadow still wasn't awake. He was released out of the hospital, and I was given permission to keep him with me. I set a court date and hired an attorney to legally make him my son. I knew this would be a big adventure, but I knew i was ready. Or atleast I hope. I knew this was a big purpose in my life; that God set out for me to do. I love that boy like a real father loves his real son, and it didn't take me long to realize that. I was talking to Sheriff Dutton about everything I knew and saw. It was 9AM. He gets real quiet whenever we walk into my guest bedroom where I would soon make Shadow's bedroom. If he ever wakes up, that is. Shadow lay on the bed wrapped in a warm blanket and pillows in the guest bedroom. Fox was sleeping in a little ball next to Shadow's side. Dutton makes noises at the back of his throat and thumps his thumb on the side of the gun he keeps holstered on his side.

When I walk him to his car, I ask,"How long do you think Alaric Davis will be in jail?"

"Well...it really depends. Long story short, he could probably get somewhere between 5 years to life in jail. We brought him in yesterday, and Sheriff McGee called the men and women at the state office."

"Thanks, Wally," I say,"I don't think that man ever wanted Shadow. Now he can sit up there alone and waste away, his soul rotting before his flesh does." Wally nods and gets into the car.

When I walk back inside the house, I reach for the little red Bible that was strapped to Shadow from off the table.

_It's funny how the pages are dry as a bone, unlike the cover. I guess this is the only thing he has left of his mother. It's almost as if God Himself kept the pages dry so he'd always have this..._

I look up at him, and look back down at the Bible. "The longer he's under like that...he needs to wake up. It's bad for the brain. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do. Lord, who could do such a thing to a child?" I whisper to Fox who is pawing at my legs, wanting me to pet him. And so I did.

Suddenly, my phone started beeping, meaning I have a text. I pulled the phone with a green plaid case out of my pocket and touched the screen with my finger to press "unlock" and "view."

**Contact: Carlos **

**Call me if u need anythng. Nite or day. Let us know when he wake up. Alexia wants 2 see Shadow sometime soon. Is that ok?**

I text him back. **K, I will. And sure**

Moments later, I get a reply. **I feel like he's family now although we hardly know him. Can I b called Uncle Carlos?**

I smile at his message. I'm glad _someone _thinks me raising Shadow isn't a bad idea. **Well idk Carlos considering ur not my brother.**

My phone beeps a few minutes later. **Well i wanna b Uncle Carlos.**

I laugh. I knew he was pouting. **Fine**

He replied with **yaaaaayyyy! **and that was the end of our text-convo for the night.

I could hear the crickets chirping from outside and the fireflies lighting up from outside my window. I look up at the clock to see that it is 10 now.

A knock at the front door startles me and I bolt upright. Halston was at the door. I swing open the door.

"Hi, my love!" I sing-songed, throwing my arms around her. Her hug is short and I feel her pulling away.

"I was at the store today, and met Kendall there. He told me. What's happening, Jamie?"

"Don't call me Jamie." I tell her sweetly. I don't like anyone calling me Jamie except Phillip. I don't know why, but I do.

I can't tell if she's concerned or aggravated with me.

"They say you have that boy here." She walks inside my kitchen and stands away from me.

"His old man beat the shit out of him."

She leans against the counter and looks at me. "And you went to get him? By yourself?"

"Yep."

"Why the he-"

"Cover thy naked."

"What?"

"It says in the Bible, When thou seest the naked, cover him. When you see the helpless, help them."

She looks at my face for the longest time, then sighs down at her chest before she walks behind me, putting her hands on my shoulders and leaning herself against me, seeming bored. "Would you like to see him? He's sleeping."

"No. No point in seeing a sleeping boy," She looks at me and gives me a kiss on the cheek,"You amaze me, James Maslow."

I search her eyes. "Now what are you doing? What are you going to do with the boy?"

"His name his Shadow. I'm keeping him."

"Right. Till Shadow's up and walking again. But then what?"

I look her in the eyes so she'll understand. "I'm keeping him, Halston."

She pulls her hand away and sits in the chair at the head of the dining room table. "What? How?"

"I don't know. All I know is I'm keeping him."

Her eyes narrow and she works hard at understanding what I am saying. "How are you going to do that?"

"What do you mean 'how'?"

"You've never been a father before. Plus, you think that Shadow will like all the fame of his daddy being a celebrity?"

I shrugged. "I- I don't know. I never really thought about that? Why? What could go wrong?"

"Well...he'd miss his daddy when he goes on tour. He'll be jealous of those fans getting all his daddy's attention. Shadow will live in California- the state of sin and fags and sex and drugs."

I scoff. "Then daddy will take him on tour with him. And daddy will make sure he gets enough attention. Shadow's too smart for all of that sinning. It'll work. Don't you see that?" I desperately want her to see herself here, in this home with the boy and I, but I know that just won't happen. Her eyes are blank.

* * *

Not long after she leaves, I walk into the guest bedroom and sat down on the side of the bed. I run my fingers through the boy's wild, untamed hair and put 'haircut' t the top of the list of things to do when he opens his eyes. Then, I'll take him to an ice cream shop and I'll put all the money on the counter for anything he wants; I won't even care if it makes him sick or spoils his supper. Okay, maybe I will.

Then I'll take him shopping for some clothes. He'd look great in green, or yellow; any color actually. I sigh heavily and sit up, walking barefoot into the kitchen and heading towards the pantry. I pull out the bag of dog kibble from the bottom shelf and fill Fox's food bowl and fill the other bowl with fresh water. I watch him gulp his food down. His giant ears prick up and he raises his head, standing as still as a statue.

"What?" I ask curious.

He bolts into Shadow's room, and I quickly follow. When I enter the room, I am shocked to see two little eyes watching Fox and I.


	10. Chapter 10

_Logan's POV:_

I hated feeling depressed. It passed on from generation to generation on my mother's side of the family. Depression. It's like if I'm a little sad, it'll only get deeper and deeper, and my outlook on everything can change. I'm not sure if it's some sort of disease or disorder. But if it is, I have it right now, and I know why.

It would normally only last for maybe a few days, and ever since I became an actor and singer, this depression ocurred less often.

But this past week, this depression was only getting longer and worse. I lay on my bed, looking up at the ceiling when I should be memorizing my script. My brain began seeping into the memories of the 12th grade in high school. I had this friend named Carson Kennedy. She had recently moved here from Austin, just 3 hours away. One day, I was feeling pretty down. My girlfriend broke up with me, and I got a 67 my math test. Plus, Texas was going through another drought, and I had not seen rain in over 3 months, and I was starting to go crazy. Think about seeing the EXACT same weather for 94 days. No clouds, no rain. Just light blue skies. Light Blue. Light blue. Light blue. Light blue. I was sitting at the front of the bus going home from school, listening to the students near the back blowing up condoms, and listening to the students in the front talking about what college they would be going to.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Carson asked me as she sat down beside me.

"Just had a rough day, that's all." I muttered.

"What kind of rough day?"

"Where do I start?" I told her.

She stared at me for a long time, pulling something out of her pocket. "Here."

A shard of glass the size of a quarter. "How is this supposed to make me feel better?"

"Just try it."

"Just try what? Eating it?" I was confused and tired.

She laughed. "No, silly. You use it to-" Then she lifted up her long black sleeves to reveal her scarred wrists.

"What?! Carson-"

"Before you say anything. Just do it. It feels so damn good, and you'll feel better."

I studied the peice of glass that lied inbetween my fingers. "I doubt it."

To this day, I have no idea where that peice of glass is.

I felt a burning lump in my throat and my eyes felt heavy. The room was completely silent. Without even thinking, I grabbed my cell phone and dialed Kendall's number; one of the only numbers I knew by memory. The phone rang four times before Kendall answered.

"Hello?"

"Kendall. Hey, um...could I talk to you?" I asked. I actually had no idea what to talk about, but I just wanted to hear Kendall's voice telling me everything's okay. To let Kendall know what I'm feeling, or if I'm feeling anything.

"Um, right now? I'm a little busy."

No matter what it was, Kendall always stopped whatever he was doing to hear what I, or anyone else for that matter, had to say. And for him to tell me he was busy was unlike him, and was as if him slapping me in the face.

I tried to keep me voice from shaking. "Oh, okay. That's fine. It wasn't that big of a deal anyway."

I could see him smiling through the phone. "Okay then. Later, Loges."

I didn't even say goodbye. I smashed my fist against the red button and covered my face. I cried into my hands. I stumbled into my bathroom and took off my shirt and studied myself in the mirror.

"Am I really...?" I whispered, noticing my eyes were rimmed with red. I pulled out my pocket knife and looked at my reflection on the shiny metal.

Pretty soon, my thoughts turned to actions, and red stickiness ran down my arm. I hated this so much, yet I loved it. I pressed it against my skin for a 7th time, and whimpered in pain as I slowly moved it across my arm. I hissed at the pain, but then chuckled at how much better this felt then telling Kendall my problems, or forcing to ignore every comment like, "Yeah, I can see you eating too many twinkies," or,"Are you sure I shouldn't get you a bigger size?"

Forty-eight lines wrote the words IM SORRY IM NOT PERFECT on my left arm.

For the first time in a week, I smiled.

_Carson Kennedy was right. Cutting does feel so damn good._


	11. Chapter 11

_Narrator's POV:_

Daybreak strikes a sudden blow and Shadow's eyelids spring open. He is scared and feels like he's in the middle of a gauzy dream; he can't lift his limbs to run or open his mouth to scream. He shifts his eyes and sees the top of someone's head petting a dog. As he watches, he sees it's Fox, and when the head sits up he recognizes James, who's smiling at him, but he can't smile back. He tries to move, but nothing happens. He can't rise above this netted sleep.

"I knew you'd open your eyes," James says, sitting on the edge of the bed. He watches James and feels something under his hand; Fox nuzzled his nose beneath his palm.

"It's okay," James says, patting his leg,"You're in my house. I brought you form that sha- your house. You're safe now." He looks worn-out but his voice is like molasses in his ears. He keeps trying to claw his way out from underneath the layers of film. James moves closer to him and lays his hand on Shadow's arm. "You were asleep for a long time because you were hurt, but now your here looking at me and Fox. Isn't that wonderful?"

The boy's eyes begin to leak. James reaches for a tissue from the nightstand, wiping his face. Fear, confusion, doubt, and relief beat through his heart at the same time, and his brain grasps for which one to feel.

"You just take your time waking up, and when you're ready I'll fix you something hot to eat. Carlos and his brother Javi brought tacos, but who eats those for breakfast?" James stops and looks down at him. "You don't know Carlos, do you? Well, he knows you. He helped me save you from your house when you were hurt. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't there...Kendall's met you too, so has Logan. We're all best friends. All four of us are in a band called Big Time Rush. We have a TV show, too. Anyway, you'll like them. All kids like them! They'll probably give you an ice cream sandwich or a candy bar when I'm not around but that's okay."

Shadow tries to keep up. James sure is excited about something. He hasn't stopped talking since he opened his eyes. "Doc's met you too, so has my family. Oh yeah! That reminds me! I need to call everybody and tell them you're awake."

Fox puts his front legs on the bed and looks at Shadow. His whole body is swaying by his tail. Shadow picks up his hand and it feels like it's floating somewhere in the room. James guides it down Fox's head and Fox licks it. A thought seizes Shadow and he reaches for his chest. feeling around the bony terrain with wide eyes.

"Your mama's Bible is right here," James says, holding it above Shadow. "It's a little wet, but it's okay. See," he says, opening it to the front page. "Ashley. You can still read her name."

Ashley. Shadow's mother. He hadn't thought of her as his mother for so long, protecting her memory inside him from Dad. He called her such vicious words. He killed her. Long after she left the world, the boy had to keep her name safe and put away.

A voice shouts hello from somewhere far away in the house. Shadow's ears dart to James.

"That's Carlos, remember?" James runs to the door and yells into the hallway, "Over here!"

The doorway fills with a young Latino couple looking at Shadow like he's one of those animals in a cage that no one's ever seen before. The man of the couple, apparently Carlos, moves to the side of the bed and is smiling like someone just gave him a birthday present. He reaches his hand down to touch the boy, but the boy makes a hushed, strangling sound in his throat and Carlos steps back.

"It's all right, Shadow," James says,"Carlos is my best friend. And this is his girlfriend, Alexa."

Alexa waves hello.

"When did he wake up?" Alexa asks.

"Just a few minutes ago." James is sitting on the bed again and Shadow is glad to have his hand on his leg once more.

"We sure have been worried about you." She says.

What was her name? He can't even remember, the way his mind is tottering and sliding about.

"Your eyes are just as nice as James said they were. Isn't he handsome, baby?"

"About as handsome a little fella I've ever seen." Carlos says.

"Have you all eaten?" Alexa asks.

James shakes his

head. "I've been waiting for him to wake up more. I think he's still groggy."

"Well, I can get everything out ready to cook, then when he's ready you can just let me know and I'll fix everything up. I'll call Doctor Loog- Lang- Whatshisface and tell him what's what and have him come out." Alexa says as she walks out of the room.

"I'll call Kendork and Loganator and let them know Shadow's awake." Carlos says.

"Um, okay. But could you tell them to come over later? I think Shadow is nervous already being around just two or three people. I don't want him to be nervous."

"Yeah, I understand." Carlos nods and follows Alexa to the kitchen as he dials Logan's number.

"You'll be seeing a lot of Carlos, Kendall, and Logan. You don't have to be afraid of them, Shadow." James tells him. Suddenly, the thought of his father screaming his name makes him jump and he tries to kick his legs. James puts both hands on top of him. "Shh, shh. Hey, it's okay. It's okay. I'm right here."

Shadow's heart is bucking and he's breathing heavy.

"It's okay." James is smiling and whispering something that he can't hear over the sound of his heart. "You are never going back to that shack again. Do you understand?"

He watches James' mouth and concentrates on the words.

"You're never going back up there to him again. He's never going to hurt you again. Not ever, ever, ever."

Something hot drips down the boy's face and he wills himself to wipe it away but he can't. James dabs at the drips and leans over to kiss him on the forehead. His mother used to do that whenever it was just them. Shadow let's out a cry-of pain, of happiness, of relief- he doesn't even know.

"It's a lot, I know," James says gently, pulling the covers up onto his chest. "But sometimes the truth is hard to take in." James' face lights up in a smile again and he dabs away at the boy's eyes. "If you want, you can stay right here with me and Fox. I'll be your father. A _real _father. Would you like that?"

He's still scared and confused under the weight of the fog, but something like wings are flapping in his chest.

Fox jumps up onto the bed and starts licking the side of Shadow's arm. James laughs. "Can you tell Fox really wants you to get out of this bed? But you take your time getting up and around. There's plenty of time to play."

James was about to ask him if he could talk, or to let him know that it's okay to, but Carlos entered the room.

"Doctor Langley will be here any minute. How are you doing?" He's looking at Shadow but talking to James.

"We've just been talking about playing with Fox when he feels like it," James says, grinning at him.

"Well, nothing spells fun like a boy and his dog!"

Shadow casts his eyes down on Fox. _He's my dog?_ That's what Carlos said just now; a boy and his dog.

"I'm knocking, Mr. Maslow," a voice says somewhere in the house. "Well, truth is, I'm actually walking through your house." The man sticks his face inside the door and takes three good paces to the side of the bed. "Welcome back, son." He takes something long out of his bag and sticks what looks like prongs inside his ears and leans down to the boy's chest, moving a flat circle around on it.

Shadow makes a scared whine. His eyes widen and he jerks, trying to scramble away.

_I don't appreciate you barging in and start operating on my child. _James thought about Doc.

"This is Doctor Langley," James says, holding him down. James is feeling nervous,"He's been helping you feel better."

The boy settles down and casts his eyes on Doc.

"He can here your heartbeat through that thing. It's called a stethascope. It's okay."

The doctor takes the prongs out of his ears and sets them inside the boy's ears to hear. "Hear that? That's your heart beating."

A loud, fast sound echos in Shadow's ears. The doctor puts the flat circle on his own chest and Shadow notices he has small but big-knuckled hands.

"That's my heart beating. I'll put it back on your chest again. Hear it? I can listen to somebody's heart and know how it's beating, and I can tell that yours is beating mighty fine right now." Doc looks up at James and nods like there's something between them. "I'm going to look inside your eyes now." He reaches for the boy but he makes a scared moan/cry, almost sounding like he pleaded "no."

"Doc Langley helps people get better," James says,"I promise he doesn't want to hurt you." He holds Shadow's hand, making it all right. The doctor lifts up both eyelids, making them blind for a second. The boy blinks till he can see again. The doctor feels Shadow's neck, making uh-huh noises behind his tongue. Then, he runs a rough finger over the boy's arm, cleaning it with something cold and smellyon a cottonball. "You did a good job taking out the needle, James. Just how I showed you." He sticks a new cottonball to Shadow's arm and tapes it down.

"There ya go. Now I'm going to change these dressings and put more medicine on your back, k?"

James helps the boy roll over so the doctor can see the work that needs to be done. Doc slides a hand down Shadow's back and terror pounds the boy's bones. He bucks and imagines himself lashing out and running headlong to the cave in the knoll.

"It's all right," James is saying above him,"Shh, shh, shh."

He bucks against James and feels warmth spread down his legs and up his stomach. James holds him tight and just keeps saying, "Shh," like his mother did in the shack.

When the tremors in his belly stop, Alexa's voice floats through the room. "If you hold onto him, I'll change the sheets."

Those words come out gray and smoky to the boy, and he grapples with what she is saying as he rides through the air and lands on James' lap.

"Thankfully, the plastic sheeting you kept on the bed saved your mattress. It didn't soak through. I'll run and clean this plastic and get some dry sheets. You don't have to tell me, James, I think I know where they are."

James lays Shadow back onto the bed.

"James, I'm going to let you look about those wounds." It's the doctor's whispering voice.

"He's having trouble trusting men, especially older men." James says real low like he's apologizing.


	12. Chapter 12

_Logan's POV_

I knew deep inside that there was something much better than cutting.

I _knew_ deep inside that I just wanted to tell someone, but my brain just wouldn't admit it because I knew it would just be a bad idea.

And knowing who I wanted to talk to...

However, I felt that this was the next best thing.

I pressed the rugged knife against my thigh. I realized that cutting on my wrists was a horrible idea considering that it would be hard to hide. I lay the knife on the bathroom sink as I got up. I stood in front of the mirror, eyes rimmed with red.

_You have such a pretty face if only you were thinner. _I remembered a comment online about me.

_Ew, hippo alert. _Another comment.

I watched more tears fall in the mirror.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps and I paused. My heart stopped.

_No one's supposed to be in my house! What the hell?!_

I jumped when I heard knocking on the bathroom door. "Loges? You in there?"

It was Kendall. I was a little relieved knowing it was him and not some crazy fan or robber. I remembered that I had given him a key to my house a while back.

My breathing quickened, and I suddenly felt weak, shaky, and nervous all over. "Y- Yeah. What are you doing here?"

"Don't you remember? Shadow woke up! I decided to come by your house and pick you up so we can go by James's house and see him."

"Oh yeah. Thanks, bro."

Kendall wiggled the door knob. "Why did you lock your own bathroom door?"

I shrugged from the other side. "Habit I guess."

"Well can you open the door? What are you doing in there anyway?"

_What do I fucking do?!_

"I- I can't I'm naked."

"I've seen you and your naked montage before, bro. No homo. It's not like I've never seen balls before ya know." Kendall said in a caustic-like tone.

I groaned. "I'll be out in a minute!"

"Uh- umm...okay. I'll wait out here."

_I'm sorry, Kendall. _I thought. I hid the red-stained knife in my cabinet above the toilet. I grabbed a wad of toilet paper and dabbed at my wounds. Then, I pulled up my pants and threw the toilet paper in the trash, ramming my foot in it to keep it down there. I unlocked the door, turned off the bathroom light, and walked out. I thought that Kendall would be waiting in the living room, but to my suprise, he was leaning against the wall waiting just 6 feet in front of me.

"I'm ready." I told him.

"Were you crying?" He asked, his face full of concern.

_Shit, I forgot about that._

"Why would I be crying? It's just bad allergies. Man Kendall, you sure jump to conclusions."

"What were you doing in there?"

I walked passed him. "Geez, let it go, alright?! Besides, it's none of your business anyw-"

I felt him grab my wrist and jerk me back towards him. I still felt weak from fear, so it was easy for me to fall back like that. He stared at me in a seldom way.

"It's every bit of my business, Logan. You're my best friend."

I refused to tell him. I managed to release my wrist and I turned around and headed towards the garage. I was surprised, knowing a determined man like Kendall, that he didn't just pin me down to the ground and not let me go till I told him.

* * *

_James's POV:_

I could tell that Shadow was coming out more and more. He had eaten real well this morning with eggs, sausage, a glass of orange juice, and biscuits. He said it was the best breakfast he had ever had. Well- I _wish _he had said that. Afterall, I'm sure that's what he thought. I know he can talk, if only he would come out of his shell.

I also got him to walk to the bathroom, but he didn't know what to do once he got in there.

"You pee right in here." I said, pointing to the toilet bowl.

He held on to the sink and looked into the porcelain bowl, his white legs as sturdy as a new fawn's. With a bit of hesitation, he stepped over and bent over to look.

"Now take your pee-pee put of your underwear and pee just like you would in the woods." He didn't move, and I pulled down his drawers. "Now aim your pee-pee right into this water."

I blushed because of my stupid vocabulary for words. I felt like a fool talking to him like that.

But he did exactly as I told him, and I smiled at him and made him wash his hands. "You do this everytime you go to the bathroom," I said, helping him work the soap over his hands. I led him back to bed.

I decided to do my Christopher Walken impression to cheer him up.

"Ya know...sum people...they call me Christopher Walken-"

Shadow starts laughing, and I can't help but laugh too.

I heard a car pull up.

"I think that's Kendall and Logan. I'll be right back, okay?"

I dashed over to the front door and opened it. Sure enough, I saw Kendall and Logan walking up and waving hello. Kendall was wearing his PARIS8 shirt, and Logan was wearing a regular dark green T, covering himself with a leather jacket.

I let them inside and closed the door behind me. Immediatley, Fox ran over to them and began jumping on them, yearning for their attention. They greeted Fox and pet him.

"What did Doctor Langley say about Shadow?" Kendall asked.

"Make him eat and drink. Don't let him climb any trees or let him play in the creek while his back and ribs are healing. Shadow threw an awful fit when Doc touched him. He clamped onto me and his knuckles were stretched white. Then he wet the bed."

"Poor little guy." Kendall whispered.

"When will he be 'Shadow Maslow'?" Logan asked.

"Well in around a week, if everything goes well, he'll be in my custody."

"To be honest, I can't picture 'James Maslow' as a father." Kendall commented.

"Me either." I agreed.

"Are you sure you're up for this?" Logan asked.

"Not really, no. But I'm doing it."

"Who has seen him already besides Carlos, Doc, and Alexa?" Kendall asked, leaning down to pet Fox's head.

"My parents and Phillip came by. No one else other than that."

"Well then, I guess you saved the best people to meet him last." Kendall said with a smile.

I led them to Shadow's room. I came in first. "Remember me telling you about Kendall and Logan?" I asked Shadow.

He nods.

"Well," I scooch over to let Kendall and Logan in,"This is Kendall, and this is Logan."

They both smiled and waved. "Wow, look at that head of hair." Kendall said.

"You don't have to be afraid of them, Shadow." I told him.

I could tell he felt tense, but I knew he had already met 6 new people in the past 2 days. He's gotta be used to this meet-and-greet by now.

My cell phone rings and Shadow jumps. I pat the air in front of us. "It's just my phone. It makes that noise when someone that's not in this room wants to talk to me. Let me take this real quick. Could you guys keep Shadow company for a sec?"

They nod, and I quickly left the room.

"Hm..." Kendall pondered of what to do.

"I know! You wanna hear a song?"

Shadow is as still as a stick.

Logan started up the song "Drip Drop" by Dion in a soft, pleasent voice. He liked that one.

"Well the roof is leaking and the rain's falling on my heeaad. It won't stop..."

I swipe my finger across my phone to unlock it and pressed 'answer'.

"Hello?"

It's Sheriff Dutton. He didn't say it was him, but he always talks like his voice has gravel in it. When I finish talking to him, I hung up and ran towards the bedroom as I jammed my phone back into my pocket. I couldn't help but smile at what I saw; Logan and Kendall singing to Shadow. Shadow was smiling big.

I hated to interrupt this moment. "Can I talk to you guys in the living room real quick?" I whispered. They nodded and followed me into the living room. I told Shadow to stay right there in the bed.

"That was Sheriff Dutton-"

"Whose Sheriff Dutton?" Kendall asked.

"A sheriff named Dutton. Anyway, he and one of his men rode up to the shack this morning and they looked all over for Alaric, but he wasn't there. Things are gone out of the shack and they think he's run off." I whispered.

"Holy shit...this is..." Logan trailed off. The three of us were all taken back by this.

"I wish that guy was put right up to the heavy bar of justice. I wish a jugde would have had no mercy and clapped that wooden gavel down in terrifying judgment. There is no justice in his running free." Kendall whispered.

"You're not going to tell Shadow about this, right? He'd be scared sick." Logan whispered.

All of a sudden, we heard a noise. We turned to our right, and there clutching little hands on a blanket was Shadow. He heard everything we said, and I could already see his eyes glassing over. He's as unmoving as iron and doesn't even react to Fox when he jumps on Shadow's leg for attention, holding his favorite toy in his mouth.

A heavy, silent tension rises in the air. I get down on my knees in front of him. I gently and slowly grab his face and hold it in my hands, forcing him to look at me. "He's gone."

Shadow's eyes are filing.

"He's running scared."

The dam unleashes and water pours down his frightened face.

"He's running as far from here as he can." I wipe his tears with my hand and lift his chin. "He's gone."

I pull his head against me and wrap my arms around him, and I swear I can hear his heart slapping inside him. I wonder what endless inventory of sins has been done against him for the last several years. Would I ever know? One of those inner chills clamps down on me.

No one's going to hurt my baby boy.


	13. Chapter 13

_James's POV:_

Kendall and Logan had left hours ago. Now it was late in the night, and I was dead tired, and I bet Shadow was too. As I ambled barefoot through the dark kitchen and was headed into Shadow's room, I suddenly cried out in pain. Shadow got out of bed and quickly ran into the hallway, wondering what was wrong.

"Sorry for scaring you, bud," I told him, leaning down to pet my pinkie toe to ease the pain. "That's what the pinkie toe is for," I grumbled,"to find furniture in the dark."

"Hey, before we go to bed, would you like some ice cream? I only have chocolate." I ask.

He scrunches his right eyebrow, raises the other, and cocks his head a tad.

I feel as if something has jagged something sharp into my heart. "You've never had ice cream before?" My voice was high and weak when asking that question. What kind of 7-year-old child has never had _ice_ _cream_?!

He shakes his head no.

I smiled. "Well I know you'll love it! It's a creamy dessert. It's something you eat. It's not very healthy, so that's why we shouldn't eat it too often. I'll fix you a big bowl of it- just this time! A big one!"

Moments later, I come back with, sure enough, a large wad of chocolate, shining, cold delicious ice cream in a white bowl and a spoon.

I know my smile is a mile long. "Go ahead, try some!"

He does, and if taste was a color, this would be shimmering gold, bright gold- as if a party just gathered and was lighting torches that lit up the dark of his mouth. For once, I don't fuss over him eating too much and worrying that he could choke. I let him be a boy and gobble that glob of ice cream down before I can even _say _"ice cream". After he is finished, he grabs his head in pain and I laugh.

"You have a brain freeze. It happens when you eat ice cream too fast. But don't worry, you'll be fine. It doesn't last long." I take the bowl from him and say,"That was the best $3.50 I've ever spent in my life."

Shortly after, I led Shadow into the bathroom and set him down on the tiolet's lid. I sat across from him on the side of the tub holding a little, baby-blue toothbrush with a thick coat of toothpaste at the top. "Open up."

He opens his mouth, and I don't let my face give away what I'm seeing. His teeth are a crooked, yellow, jangled mess. Half of them look like they're coming in sideways, and others are pointy, like fangs.

After I assist him in brushing his teeth, I pulled up the lid of the toilet. "You need to go to the bathroom before bedtime?"

He shrugs. Not sure. He takes out his pee-pee, and nothing is happening and he sighs, looking up at me.

"Just give a second. Sometimes it takes a little bit of waiting."

He just stares down at it and suddenly, he just has a blank, still stare and I wonder what in the world he is doing or thinking. (Shadow rummages through his memories and a raw, hot blade of pain stabs him. The walls of the shack are closing in and his biological father's voice is booming and echoing in his mind, loud and soaking with venom. "Take it! Take it, dammit! Take it!")

Shadow closes his eyes and his breath strangles him. My fingers wrap around his wrists, pulling his hands away.

"It's all right, it's all right." I said in a soft voice. "Can you look at me?"

Shadow keeps his eyes shut tight, and tears start to form in his eyes. His lower lip is out and his face is scrunched up and his breathing is shaky.

"Would you open your eyes, Shadow?"

He finally does.

"These memories up here will get better," I say, touching his head. "It'll take a lot of time, but they will get better...I might never know what happened up in the shack; not unless you would one day be willing to come out and talk...but...but one thing I will always know is that it wasn't your fault." My eyes are full of mist. "No matter what happened, it was never ever your fault." I shake my head back and forth,"I want you to know that you're not like that. You don't have meanness all balled up inside you. You don't! I know it. He had the gates of hell inside him, but you're alive with light and the love of God in here!"

Shadow's tears leak down his cheeks because it sounds just like something Mama would tell him.

"I wish you married Mama." Shadow says, looking me straight in the eyes.

My eyes widened. _He just spoke! He can speak! He just spoke!_

I tried not to show too much surprisement about hearing this new voice. I gave him a little smile and nodded. "She sounded like a great woman."

For the rest of the night and days to come, he never spoke again. I figured it was a one-time thing; a gift from God that wouldn't happen again for a long, long time until he finally had the confidence to speak regularly.

I led him back into his boring, plain, tiny bedroom. When he lies down I check the dressings on his back and apply more salve. Just in the last two days the wounds have closed over some. "Doc said we'll probably be taking these bandages off tomorrow so air can get to these wounds." His smell lingers in the air. "I think I'll have to give you a bath, too."

Shadow is worried, not wanting a repeat of what happened a few days ago.

"I'll be right there with you," I coax, "What happened last time was a complete accident that will not happen again. Besides, it's just a lil' tub 'a water." I help him lie down and pull the covers up to his neck. I reach for the Bible on the nightstand and show it to him.

"Did your mother read to you from this?"

Shadow nods and touches the cover.

"It's still drying. It got pretty soaked. But look at the pages- dry...I never met Mama, but do you know what I know about her?"

His eyes wait, listening intently to my voice with a bit of a smile. I think he likes the sound of my voice.

"I know she was a good soul because she made sure you had her second-most-prized-possession before the Father took her up," I point up to heaven,"Do you know what her _most _prized possession is?"

He doesn't move.

"You."

Shadow looks at me in sad amazement.

"And you got deep-rooted goodness from Mama, I know." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and get up to turn off the big lamp by the door. "Sleep tight, son." I smiled when I said it. Adding "son" at the end of it just felt right, like that's how it will always be from now on.

In the dark, he clamps his tiny hand down on my wrist and holds it firm.

"What's wrong?" I pull the string of the lamp and turn it back on. I see that he is pointing next to him.

"Do you want me in here tonight?" He nods and I pull the lamp's string again, feeling my way around to the other side of the bed.

Shadow lies so still that I have to strain to hear him breathing. He doesn't flop this way or that to get comfortable. He just lies. It's so quiet, I swear I could hear a spider scampering across the carpet. "Good night." I say as I close my eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys! Thank you all for your lovely support! Just wwanted to let you know that my spring break is coming up soon, so I should probably be able to post new chapters more often. :)**

* * *

_Phillip's POV:_

James Maslow's ideas are like forest fires-once they take hold there's no stopping them. From the time he was pint-sized, he had been his own person, never trying to grow into his big brother's or step-sister's shoes if you know what I mean. When James, whom I call Jamie, was little, even as a preteen, he was a chubby little guy with a noraml legnth of hair and a big, fake smile on his face. I knew it was fake. Being the most overweight kid at a 6-days a week, stresssful private school- all happiness was faked for the sake of our parents. In fact, he didn't complain a bit after the major car crash he was in at the age of 6. At age 8, his height never climbed 4 and a half feet, but when he talked to you- you swore he was bigger.

I remember when Jamie was 9. He complained of a headache one day after coming home from school. The headache got so bad that Mom told him to go lie down on the couch. Mom went the store to buy some milk that she needed to use for cooking dinner that night. When she came back and checked on little Jamie, he was burning up with a fever. Dad helped Jamie into his bed and kept swabbing his body with cold rags. On the fourth day, Jamie woke up and asked who Mom was. That's when she immediately called 911. When the doctor said that he had yellow fever, Mom let out a low-bellied groan. We had no idea how he caught the virus. Jamie's skin turned yellow with jaundice, his hair stuck to the pillow like trampled weeds, and and he threw up blood into the trashcan next to him. Mom slept on the floor beside the bed. At the end of work each day, Dad would come home and stand at the end of his bed, his hands rooting around in his pockets for answers. He'd scratch his head in search of something to say,"I know you never listen to me, but you fight harder, you hear?" After giving a quick prayer, he walked out of the bedroom and never met my eyes. After school, I'd sit in a chair and read to Jamie. One day he turned his head toward me and flashed open his eyes. He didn't say a word, didn't sigh or moan- nothing. It gave me the heebie-jeebies the way he kept his eyes on me, looking at me but not seeing me. But mother said, "Keep reading, Phillip. It soothes him." On day nineteen, Jamie woke up and asked why Mom was sleeping on the floor. He was all eyes and sharp bones and flat lips and Mom cradled him like a baby. Later, Jamie told me there were times when he heard Dad talking, Mom's small birdlike voice praying, and me reading out loud. Jamie told us to think about the 50% percent who _do _live instead of don't. But it's very hard to do that and to look at a person the same way after he/she comes close to dying in his own bed.

The "adventures" of James Maslow weren't over yet. He was still a bit thick, but still, he slimmed down a lot. When Mom forced him into chorus as a little boy, she jut did it for God knows why. But she didn't mean to create a passion for Jamie. At age 14, Jamie had made up his mind to become an actor or a singer. He even started dancing too, and I swear he was as great as Dejan Tubic.

Few things get the best of Jamie. Dad never believed in mollycoddling his kids- especially him. You could tell he didn't know what to do with a "famous-wanna-be" sing-song child. He expected us to be preachers or doctors. "You'll never amount to anything if you keep this up," he'd say to Jamie, "You can't do that!" "You're not bright enough to graduate." I guess he thought if he convinced him acting, singing, and dancing was useless, he would quit. But _nooo_- that only made Jamie want to do it more. Now Jamie was on a mission to prove his father wrong. Jamie would always yell,"I'm not listening to you!" And that's just how he'd phrase it every time. Not,"I can't hear you," because he could hear him plain but he wasn't _listening _to him. People at school made fun of him too for his "silly" dream.

The bullying from them and all of stress of school got the best of him, and he started cutting. But a few years later, he stopped and never picked up a razor again. I was the only one that knew because he trusted his secret with me.

At around 16, he looked like he could be a male model. Perfect cheek bones, hair, and everying inbetween. And at 18, he decided not to go to college which made Dad want to kick his ass. Dad didn't even talk to him for a month straight. Then, Jamie ran in one day with a piece of paper. On the paper, it revealed that he had just gotten his firt acting job to play Brandon in a new movie, urFRENZ. I couldn't help but laugh when he hollered, holding the paper up to Dad's face: "Kiss my ass, motherfucker!"

That was also the same year he got the part in Big Time Rush. Dad finally agreed to go to his first concert with Kendall, Logan, and Carlos.

Dad. Was. Paralyzed.

He expected a little concert outside, but thousands of fans in this overlarged yet crowded building were screaming their names- including Jamie's. Jamie's singing- I couldn't even explain how angelic and wonderful. Jamie gave everything he got because he knew that somewhere, his father was in the crowd. Half of the time during the concert, tears were rolling down his cheeks out of happiness. He proved his friends wrong. He proved his family wrong. He proved his father wrong.

"We gotta believe it's destiny call'n. So night after night, we rock the whole place out! As hard as it seems, I know that you want it, and it's gonna happen somehooow!"

When Jamie sang that lyric of "City is Ours," both the sentence and his beautiful voice was astonishing, and finally, Dad saw it. A tear pricked in his eye, and that's the day he finally admitted James was the right person all along, and that he was sorry for trying to crush this young man's dreams. Thousands of girls have a crush on his son, and now, Jamie has gotten more money in four years than Dad has in twenty.

Mike Maslow saw his son grow from his invisible, chubby "embarrassment" to a beautiful, talented man known around the world.


	15. Chapter 15

_Narrator's POV:_

_James was running as if he was running from a tornado. "Where am I?!" He would ask himself repeatedly._

_Unfortunately, the black smoke of Alaric caught up to him and pinned him down to the gray grass and thorny twigs- his back facing him. The area was murky and foggy, and he had no idea where he was. For some reason, somehow, James' clothes had been stripped from him and he felt like a naked lamb. Red stickiness trickled from his mouth as warm saltiness tricked from his eyes. James was panting and gasping for breath. Shadow tried to holler for help as he saw this happening, but nothing but a quiet, hoarse, raspy, and low sound came deep from his throat. Alaric had his beefy hands around his neck. James cried out as he sunk his fingernails deep into James' flesh. Alaric's laugh haunted Shadow's ears._

_James could not hear a single thing but his loud heartbeat, and he was feeling violated. "No, stop! Stop, please!"_

_Without warning, black, shining crows flew by Shadow's eyes. Then more crows. Then more crows! Crows continued to sweep down until black engulfed his vision, and now everything was silent._

_Color began to come back to his sapphire blue eyes. As he opened them, they were both in a dark forest where there was no blue sky, and all of the trees were the color of charcoal. The ground felt like the texture of charcoal under them too. They heard a sound from behind and turned around._

_"Over here!" There was Carlos behind a tree. He was wearing a vest of armor and looked like a mighty soldier. He had long hair like Ronnie Radke's. It was hard to picture this as Carlos, but it was definitely him._

_Shadow guessed that James's could not see him, because James ran towards the Latino without even acknowledging Shadow. However, Shadow followed._

_Carlos led them to an underground room probably 7-by-6 feet large. The height of the room was almost 5 feet high. There was an old kerosene lamp on a small, wooden table lighting the room. Tattered, faded rugs covered the small dirt floor. There was a small, run-down bookcase and a picture frame with a picture they couldn't quite make out. It was a cozy, yet a creepy, dense place._

_Carlos wrapped a tattered blanket around James' naked form and handed him a cup of water._

_"Are you okay?" Carlos asked him._

_James was still shaking and droplets of water splashed from his cup. His eyes were wide as he spoke in a weak, quivering voice,"Where am I?"_

_"It's okay. You're safe now." Carlos said with a bit of a smirk. "Would you like something to eat?"_

_James nodded. Shadow nodded also, but none of them paid any attention to him._

_Carlos poured something that smelled like soup from the boiling cauldron by the bookcase into a bowl and handed it to him. Carlos' eyes looked darker than usual._

_After James had finished the meal provided to him, he was shaking a little less._

_"It's all right, James. Just relax." Carlos said as he leaned in closer to James and took his bowl._

_"But what if Alaric finds-"_

_Carlos put a finger over James's lips and his pupils were black now, but James didn't seem to notice. "Shh-sh-sh...just hush. And relax..."_

_Carlos' warm lips locked onto James' cold ones in a passionate kiss; his tongue exploring James's mouth. James tried to pull away, but Carlos was enjoying this way too much. James' was loosing air. Carlos deepened the kiss more and more, moaning in pleasure as he held James's face tightly in his hands. Gradually, James was shaking more violently and his face began to crack and turn ghost white. It wasn't the fact that James was loosing air. It was because his kiss was taking the life from James. James's continuous moans and muffled screams of pain gradually calmed also as he was loosing energy. Then, Carlos let go and James fell onto the floor. He never woke up._

"Shadow!"_ James yelled, but his lips weren't moving and was lifeless._

James finally woke Shadow from his deep slumber.

"Wake up, buddy! Looks like you had a bad dream. You're sweating. It took me forever to wake you up and I was starting to worry." James told Shadow.

Shadow looked deeply into James' brown orbs, making sure for himself that is was a dream.

"You okay, Shadow?" He asked.

Shadow nodded slowly.

* * *

Earlier that day, James went to work, getting ready to film yet another episode. Alexa volunteered to babysit Shadow and Fox. Alexa and Carlos, mostly Carlos, had come to visit James and Shadow nearly every night.

After four hours of long, hard acting and script memorization, they finally got a break. While James was in the restroom, that gave Logan, Kendall, Carlos, and Ciara a chance to gossip.

"Yes, I know what happened was bad, but that was different. I just hate it when people try to make others feel really sorry for you just for attention! But Shadow's not trying to get attention, he was abused." Kendall said. Kendall did help those in need and gave sympathy for distraught people. He just didn't enjoy people who try to make others feel sorry for themselves for no reason.

_"I just hate it when people try to make others feel really sorry for you..." _Kendall's words echoed in Logan's mind. Now any chance of telling Kendall about his cutting was now gone. Logan didn't want to pester Kendall with his problems, right?

"That boy has lived with the devil." Carlos said.

"I can't even think about Alaric Davis. He makes me sick. To do such a thing to that boy!" Logan said, pounding the table with her fist.

"It doesn't matter now what sort of hate Alaric was eaten up with. All of that was broken the moment James went up to that shack with God Almighty filling his chest and he brought him down out of there." Carlos replied.

"I don't like it how folks are thinking of James. First, people called him gay cuz he's in a boy band. Now, they think he's batty for helping Shadow." Ciara commented.

"And Halston is showing her trial." Kendall said.

"What'd Halston do?" Ciara asked.

"I don't know, but she hasn't been around so I know she's pissed about something."

"...We know James must feel scared and lost right now, but I know him enough to know that he'll make it through," Logan muttered, "I'm not chasing rainbows when I think of James and Shadow. There will be rough roads to ride up ahead, probably more than we can imagine, but I can't figure out how long it's going to take to make up 7 years of pure hell."

Carlos spoke up. "Maybe we _don't _know how long, but we know how: through love no man can ever take away- Jesus' love."


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey guys! Just wanted to say, this is only the beginning. I know it's probably pretty boring, but these past events in the story is nothing yet. You think James will now raise the boy and everything will be just peachy, right?**

**Wrong.**

**Anyway, I just heard this song called "Breath of Life" by Florence and the Machine. It reminds me so much of this overall story! You have to listen to it! Or listen to it while reading! Or someth'n! It's awesome! Have a blessed day! :) **

**With everlasting love,**

**Peewee the Wolf**

* * *

_Kendall's POV:_

People sure know how to make a fuss! James left work an hour earlier to go home to Shadow, and now atleast 10 people that worked on set were in the breakroom talking about James. Of course this is what they'd do, having no other news in their boring lives to discuss.

"He doesn't know what he's getting himself into!" Carlie exclaims. Carlie, who plays Mercedes on the show, could never be accused of getting herself into too much of anything, especially work. Logan always says if she's not running her mouth he'd think she'd might be dead and call Maxine up at the local radio station and listen to her own obituary.

"I told him to stay away from those people up there," Stephen said,"He's just bringing on trouble. I know those bastards. I know what they do."

"Hush up, Glickman." I said and sighed. I was sitting next to Logan who stayed silent and ran the pads of his fingers over his right jacket sleeve.

"Younguns can be curse," the janitor, Robert Byrd, said while shoving a thin, veined hand into his pocket.

"You've never had kids a' yer own, Rob," Ciara said,"How do you know anything about little kids?"

"I've seen plenty," he retorted, shoving a pinch of chew into his mouth, revealing tobacco-brown teeth,"I've seen all sorts come through here."

"Seeing them isn't the same as raising them, Robert," Carlos said, "James is doing more than any of us would do, and we sit planted down at the church Sunday in and Sunday out."

Loretta Schmidt, one of the makeup artists, scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Religion is so overrated."

I froze in my seat, knowing that Carlos's blood was boiling right now. I'm Christian too, and sure, that made me mad. But I blew her comment off. Carlos, however, is different. I could tell he was trying to keep himself from cussing Loretta out or throwing a Bible at her head, yelling at her to have some Christian sense.

Robert threw his hands in the air. "I'm just telling you all the truth! I've seen some cursed younguns come through here."

"Oh hush your yap!" I said, throwing my lunch into the refrigerated case like it had just cussed out my mother.

Loretta added her two cents (Shadow could be diseased) and Robert said that most of those people were criminals,"theives and murderers and such."

"Lord save my soul!" Carlos hollered, wiping the moisture from his forehead and then slamming his hands on the table, standing up,"That 7 year old boy is not a criminal, you son of a b- gun!" I could tell he wanted to holler at him that smacking your own wife _is _criminal but he didn't.

"James does not know one thing about that boy's bloodline. He needs to be careful." Stephen said.

Fred Javis, one of the show's editors, calmly said,"James doesn't know anything about raising ki-"

Without anyone of us expecting it, Logan stood up quickly and slammed his hands on the table. He yelled through clenched teeth,"What the fuck, man?! You don't know a single fuck about him! He's the best father I've ever seen! I can't believe he's trying_ so hard_ to make this little boy's life better, he risked his own _life_, and this is how you treat James?! Really? Really?!..."

A heavy tension rose in the air. Everyone was silent so Logan continued. This time his voice was quiet and was even cracking a little. He looked at everybody,"Shadow Dav- no, Shadow _Maslow_ is not a bit crazy. He's just a little boy who needed a hug, good bath, and something to eat. And he needs a passel of kids his age to become friends with. His mother is dead, and his father is- is just...and every son needs a _good _father. A father to pat him on the back and tell him to sit up straight and say his prayers and stop saying 'ain't' and things like that. And that good father is _James._"

* * *

_James' POV:_

I smile when I think about how well Shadow is progressing and living with his new life with Fox and me.

Nearly every night: "You mean to tell me you've never had a quesadilla before?" or "You've never had watermelon, Shadow?!"

It seemed like just everyday, every dinner would reveal a type of food that has never passed Shadow's mouth.

My heart would also twitch evertime I thought about how much he has missed. But fortunately, I could use that for many benefits.

One day while we were eating breakfast on the veranda, Fox bolted after a squirrel and followed it to a tree where he leaped and bounced off the trunk.

"He thinks he's a monkey and can climb that tree."

Shadow glances at me, confused.

"Do you know what a monkey is? A monkey is an animal that lives in trees and they swing from one branch to another."

His eyes widened and he looks up intently at the trees in my backyard.

I laughed,"Not like these trees, you little goober. Over in Africa and other countries far away. Monkeys don't live in the U.S. You've never seen a picture of a monkey before, have you?"

No, he hasn't.

"Wait here." I told him, walking into the kitchen to get my phone. I came back out and went to Google Images. I typed in "monkeys" and all sorts of monkeys came up.

He looks at the screen with bulging fish eyes.

"Pretty cool, huh?" I chuckled and he nodded.

"Have you heard of elephants?"

No.

Then I show him pictures of elephants and tell him about them.

"Have you ever heard of kangaroos?"

No.

Then I show him pictures of kangaroos and tell him about them.

I showed him many animals- black bears, wolves, giraffes, otters, echidnas, horses, etc., and he loved every bit of it.

So that's when I got to work. I bought countless packs of colored paper, colorful poster boards, buckets of wallpaint, and a few paintbrushes. I asked for Carlos's help, and on that following day and for the next four days, we worked diligently in Shadow's bedroom. Shadow knew we were doing something to his room once we started removing furniture. I painted the walls while Carlos created both big and small animals out of colored paper. The first wall was an arctic environment. The second wall was a desert/African environment. The third- a forest, and the forth- underwater. After the paint dried, we glued the animals on.

"Shadow, you ready to see your room now?"I asked at 11PM, waking the sleeping boy on the couch. I was keeping it a surprise. Still a little dazed and confused, he walked in and had those same bulging fish eyes. His head spun around to look at Carlos and me, and he had a big smile. He ran over with Fox to us and hugged us both, but he was hesitant, afraid we might yell at him or something idiotic like Alaric would've done.

"Come 'ere." Carlos said, picking him up and holding him. He wiped away Shadow's happy-tears and walked into the middle of the room.

"Which wall is your favorite?"

It took a long time for him to decide, but he eventually chose the forest.

"Yeah, I like the forest too...Which one is your's, James?"

I walked up to them. "Hm...I'd say the arctic- no! The underwater one."

I gave Shadow a kiss on the forehead. "Sadly, you won't be able to sleep in here tonight. The paint hasn't dried yet, and the smell is pretty...yeah. You'll just have to sleep with me or on the couch."

* * *

Alexa had volunteered to babysit for a while. While I was on my way to work, I began to think up a list of things I could do with Shadow.

_I need to take him to a zoo. We have to do that. I need to take him to a barbar shop, and to the dentist, and maybe the mall! He'd like the mall as long as we went early when not many people were there. He doesn't really like people. I bet he's never swam in a pool before, or played at a park. I could take him on tour with us too. Afterall, Rushers have been asking me about him._

So many doors of possibilities flew to me, and I knew that one day soon, each one of those will be opened.


	17. Chapter 17

_Shadow's POV:_

I got out of the couch's blankets and ran past the chewtoys littered everywhere and went up into Daddy's room and crawled into the bed next to Daddy and Fox. I thought he was asleep, but then he said,"Shadow, is something wrong?"

I shook my head no.

He didn't seem satisfied with my answer. He patted me on the head and said,"You know you can talk right? No one's stopping you, and I _want _to hear your voice..."

"...I'm...afraid to sleep alone." I mumbled.

He smiled. "That's fine. You can sleep with me as long as you need to."

I couldn't believe the difference between two men. My father, who I found out was named Alaric, looked scary. He had wrinkles and one eye was a little bigger than the other, and you could fit a watermelon in his tummy. He had a voice that'd make you want to hide. But Daddy has a honey-dissolving, beautiful voice that he would use to sing lullabies at night. He is as tall and muscular like a giant. Daddy has eyes and hair brown as the soil from where all the trees grow. He has lips pink as tulips and teeth white as snow. Sometimes, he'd wear pretty clothes. He almost looked like a modern prince.

Speaking of clothes, he got me all new shirts and pants. Goodbye tattered overalls - hello "DC" shoes and shirts with cool design. It looked a lot like what James wears, and I love it. I want to be just like him.

I try not to think about Alaric and the shack, or my mother. Daddy wants me to talk about Mama, and I try, but it's hard sometimes. He says he understands, and that it will come with time and we have plenty of it. I love living here much more than living in the shack. I love going to bed at night feeling safe. I love sleeping with Fox at my feet or just above my pillow. I also love being clean under covers and smelling how fresh and clean they smelt. We would say our prayers and James makes sure I have enough blankets to keep me warm. I lay in bed and slowly fall asleep as I smell James' cologne that was still on his skin.

"Love you. I'll see you in the morning." He says, making sure I know he'll be there when I wake up, and I've never doubted him.

I am so glad I found James's garden.

* * *

_James's POV:_

I woke up at 6:30AM for some odd reason, and I didn't feel like going back to sleep. I dressed myself in a gray T and leather jacket with jeans. The boy is still sleeping and I walk out to the garden to pull out the developed radishes and check the peas. Something gnaws at my stomach when I hear tires coming up my driveway.

_It's 7 in the morning! Who would be coming at this hour?!_

I run out to the front and recognize Halston's car. I wonder why she's come so early for a visit.

I open her car door for her, and she gets out. Just like always, she's wearing something beautiful. I don't know much about clothes, but she's wearing pretty sandals, jean shorts, a yellow tube top, and a fuzzy white jacket thing around her. Yeah, I really suck at knowing my clothes. "Hello, Miss Pretty." I say into her cheek as I give her a kiss.

She smiles and kisses back. "How's he doing?"

"Shadow? He's getting better. A lot better!"

"What you guys been doing?"

"Carlos and I redid his room and he's been trying all kinds of new foods. I've never seen a boy so happy to eat a bowl of ice cream!"

Silence is thick and loud as she looks out into the skies. "I've missed you, Jamie."

I tense up a little when she calls me that. "It's James, and I've been right here."

"With him."

She sounds like I've been with another woman. "I've been wanting you to come by so you can meet him, Halston."

"I don't know what to do anymore, James." She says calmly, looking over at the mailbox,"I just flat don't know what to do."

It feels like an invisible wall is in front of her. "About what?!"

She looks inside the house. "The whole community is talking; even my own mother is."

I try hard to piece together her stupidity. "About what?!"

"About this. You bringing that boy here and telling people you're going to raise him."

"I am _raising _him as we speak! He's in my custody, Halston."

She puts her hands on either side of my face and looks at me, and I can smell her sweat perfume. "James..." She lets go of my face and leans against her car. "Why would you do this? Why would you ruin this?"

"Ruin what?!"

She pulls me closer to her and starts kissing me. "Don't do this. Don't ruin this." She nibbles my earlobe and puts her hands around my waist as what she says hammers at my mind. I lay my head on her shoulder. "How does this ruin us?"

"You know."

I push away. "I _don't _know. All I know is that you manage to come here really early when you know Shadow will be sleeping. You haven't shown up here in days because you don't want to see him."

She crosses her arms and stares intently at me after she spit out her gum into a tissue and stuffs it in her pocket. "Why would I want to see him, James?"

Every cell is flinching. "Because he's my son, Halston!" She turns away from me, and I don't bother touching her. "The other day, when you said that going to get Shadow was a fool thing I'd done, did you say that because you were afraid for me or is that what you think?"

She sighs and it takes her too long to answer, so I already know what she thinks. "There are so many other people that can help him."

"Who?! Who are they, Halston?"

Her shoulders are sagging, eyes are deep and sad, and her voice is low and even. "People who get paid to help children like him. They know what they're doing...Why couldn't you just let him be? Why couldn't you just leave him where he belongs?"

"He doesn't belong up in those hills!" I say to her back, trying not to shake with anger.

She turns on me and her eyes are blazing. She pulls me into her so close I can see the pores on her skin. "But he doesn't belong here either! I do. I belong here. You know that, don't you?" She kisses my jawline and looks at me. "You _do _know that, right?"

"...Halston...this boy could be our beginning. You'd love him."

"I really don't think I could. I'm not you."

"You just need to meet him. Give him a chance, Halston. Please?"

"I wouldn't even know how to try. All I'd see is a stranger." She lifts my chin and makes me look at her, and I try not to show my anger. The katydids are singing in the tops of the trees, but I no longer hear them. Halston's words have swallowed all the sound. She is solid and calm. "Who do you want, James Maslow? Him or me."

I stare at her with a blank face and swallow hard.

"Halston Sage...I think you already know damn well who I'd choose."


	18. Chapter 18

_James's POV:_

Alexa came early today and was sitting with Shadow in the living room while I was getting ready for work.

"Tell my hot guy at the studio I said hi." Alexa hollered at me with a smile.

"What are you talking about? I'm already here!"

"You know who I'm talking about, goober." Alexa was flipping through the channels on the TV with one hand and teasing Fox with a chewtoy in the other. She squealed happily. "Hey Shadow, do you know what your daddy does for a livng?"

He shook his head no.

She turned it to Nickelodeon, and Big Time Rush was on. It was that ridiculous "Camp Wonkey Donkey" episode.

"Look! Whose that, Shadow?"

Shadow looked carefully at the screen. He didn't recognize me at first because I had long hair during that season. But then when he heard my voice, he had those bulging fish eyes.

"Daddy! Daddy! You're on TV!"

I walked in,"I know I am. That's what I do for a living. I'm an actor and singer. An actor entertains people on these televisions. They act like a different person."

"And a lot of times, actors are famous people." Alexa chimed in.

"What does famous mean?"

"Famous means a lot of people know who you are." I answered.

"Not many people are famous. You have a one 'n a kind dad, you know that?" Alexa said, petting Fox.

Shadow was trying to pay attention and watch me on TV at the same time.

I scratched my chin and turned to Shadow. "You know...in fact, I think everyone you have met since you came here is an actor. Alexa is. So is Kendall, Logan, and Carlos."

"Hey, I know. Why don't you take Shadow with you to work? He can see you act in person, not just on TV." Alexa suggested.

I scratched my back. "I- I guess I don't see why not. Do you want to go, Shadow?"

He nodded so fast he grabbed his head because it started hurting. I laughed,"Well c'mon then! Let's get you dressed!"

Alexa left, and I helped Shadow get dressed and led him to my car.

He just stood and stared at it.

"Have you ever been in a car before?"

He shook his head no.

"Well come on! The train is pulling out of the station, as they say. It's really fun! You won't have to be scared." I opened the car door for him and he slides in, looking small and uneasy. I put the seatbelt over him and said,"You always put this over you when you are in a car for safety."

I get in myself and put the seatbelt over me. I turned the key, and when it roars, I feel Shadow's amazement.

As we ride, we passed Mr. Gladstone, my neighbor. I call him Bulldog because he is a husky man, eyes small and gray, and his dishwater-pale hair will sometimes hover over his eyes. Everytime I pass by him working in his yard, I honk hello. Shadow leans over to honk the horn and before long it sounds like the Fourth of July parade the way he keeps beeping it. I roll his window down and the wind catches his hair. He sticks his head outside the window, opening his mouth.

"You're not a dog! Get back in here!" I yell over the wind, laughing.

He rolls his window back up after pulling his head back inside. His hair sticks out like wires, making him look like a comical bird of prey, but his face is bright and satisfied.

Before long, we make it to the Paramount parking lot. We walk onto the set, and Shadow's expression looked like he was at Disneyworld. But there was only one thing he didn't like- all of these new people. Shadow was clamped onto my leg as he saw people staring, waving, and smiling at him.

"That's the new Maslow boy everybody's been talking about." One would say.

"If his hair was only a bit longer, he'd look like one of the guy's from Motley Crue." Said another.

_Oh come on, his hair isn't that ridiculous! _I yelled in my head.

* * *

_Logan's POV:_

My mind was buzzing and I didn't feel good. As I was walking, people waved hello, but I never replied back. I was walking on set and saw Kendall. I inhaled deeply as I walked past him, worried that if I exhaled, he'd hear me and see me. I did not get enough sleep last night because of a horrible dream I had. I didn't want to talk to him about it because I knew he'd ask why I felt like shit. I thought about the dream carefully, thinking about what it meant:

_There was an eerie fog. The air was still. I tried to open my eyes, but they were sealed shut. My body was shaking, full of pain and emptiness. A layer of my blood coated my skin, and I felt something sharp in my hand. I felt it leave my hand and droplets of thick water drip drop on my face. I felt a warm body lay next to me, pressing his/her head against mine. It was Kendall. I could tell because of his beautiful scent. Tears leaked from Kendall's eyes as he slowly recited parts of a poem. The poem sounded oddly familiar._

_"O heart, heart, heart!_

_O the bleeding drops of red!_

_Where on the deck my captain lies-_

_fallen cold and dead._

_O captain my captain, rise up and hear the bells! Rise up! Rise up and hear the bells!_

_Rise up! For you the flag is flug! For you the bugle trills!_

_For you bouques and ribboned wreath's. For you the shores a'crowding._

_For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning._

_...My captain does not answer. His lips are pale and still..."_

_Kendall's voice was breaking, and he was having trouble._

_"...My- my captain...does not feel my arm. He has no pulse nor will._

_Exhult O shores and ring O bells!_

_But I- I with mournful dread._

_Walk the deck my captain lies._

_Fallen cold and- and..."_

_Then I couldn't hear or feel anything. The silence was loud, and I finished off his word in my mind before that had slipped away too._

_"Dead."_

"Logan! There you are! You okay, man?" The blonde asks with one of his eyebrows raised.

I planted a fake smile on my face. "Yeah, I'm fine."


	19. Chapter 19

_Narrator's POV:_

James could tell Shadow was trying not to burst; he couldn't wait to come with James to an interview for BTR. When they arrived to the place where the interview was taking place, people were outside, holding signs and wanting autographs. Shadow was amazed.

"You have a unique father, you know that?" The interviewer, Mr. Petti, said to the little boy with hair black as night.

After every other question, Kendall would become side-tracked or zoned out. He was obviously deep in thought.

"You okay, man?" Carlos would ask.

"Huh? Yeah, I- I'm fine." He answered a little dazed. Obviously not fine.

They had to try to ignore his zoning out and talk to him after the interview.

The interview was saying that the news started getting around the entire _United States _that a celebrity rescued and is raising a boy with such a horrible past. They were in magazines and everything! Most people were treating him like a hero.

"It's something any kind-hearted person would do." Was all James would say.

But, of course, there were haters:

"James Maslow of Big Time Rush is only 22. He's still at the beginning of adulthood and still has a lot to learn himself."

"Bullshit," James would hear Kendall holler at the TV,"There are 15 year old moms in America!"

After the interview, they were walking out through the back door of the building, first having to go through the staircase. Logan and Kendall were the very last.

"Logan, wait," Kendall said, putting his hand on his shoulder to make sure he would stop.

Everyone had already left now and it was hard to catch up to them with all of the Rushers outside. "Yeah?"

"I- I was wondering if you'd like to come to my house for dinner next Saturday?"

Logan blushed a little. Logan knew he wasn't arranging a little date, right? Afterall, he was not gay, neither was Kendall. Or atleast, that's what Logan is hoping.

"S- Sure. That'd be great. What's the occasion?"

The blonde shrugged. "Haven't hung out in a while."

"Yes, we have."

Kendall looked at him with dreadful eyes green as many forests that Logan could easilly read: 'Not alone'.

Logan made a tight, nervous chuckle. "Okay, dude. I'll be there." Logan flashed his beautiful half-smile that made you melt inside.

"Good...Well I guess we better get go'n." Kendall said as he walked past Logan and to the double doors. When he opened them, a wave of screaming and cheers came from the crowd.

_What is up Kenny's sleeve? ...Was I just asked out on a date? _Logan thought, still standing where Kendall had previously stopped him.

Kendall walked to his car with a smirk, feeling smug.

_You just wait, Logan Henderson, by Saturday night, I'll figure out what the hell your problem's been lately._

* * *

_James's POV:_

I took Shadow to Ben & Jerry's and then to the public library.

I'll admit, as soon as we got into the parking lot, I wouldn't stop talking about what a library is. He looks at the redbrick building: a large, looming temple of doom. "You'll like it here." I tell him.

We walk in and the pine floors look shiny and slick with the sun lighting on them. There were many people there, but everyone was quiet.

"I haven't been here in forever,"I whisper to Shadow. He stands in the middle of the aisles and looks up at the dusty shelves of books, craning his neck to see the top shelf. He's never seen a room like this in his life.

I get tense when people stare at us, either knowing I'm James from Big Time Rush, or eyeing Shadow's head of hair.

"Can you read?" I whisper to him.

He raises an eyebrow and looks at me.

I pull out a random book from the shelf to show him some words. "Can you read what this says?" I opened to a random page without looking. I look down to to figure out I accidentally pulled out a book on human reproduction.

"Gah! No, no- wait- don't read that...hang on..." I say, slamming the book closed and cramming it back into the little space. I walked over to the kid's section and grabbed a Dick and Jane book.

"Here. Can you read what these words say?"

**Jumprope is fun. Jump, Jane, Jump!**

He tries to make out all the shapes, angles, and squiggly lines of the letters and looks back up at me like I'm crazy.

"So no?"

No.

I sighed. "Do you know how to spell?"

To be honest, I'm not even sure if he knew what "spell" means.

He shook his head no.

I smile. "This will be fun. Follow me." I gently take his hand and lead him to an open table. I pick out a big book with the letters of the alphabet and basic words like "food","she",and "book." "Every word we say, read, or write is made up of these letters. One day, you'll be able to spell and read using these letters."

Something burns in his chest and he points at the letters, flapping his hands.

"Yes, you'll learn to read."

His eyes water over.

"Did Mama read to you from the Bible?"

He nods. "Matthew." He mutters barely audible.

"That's because she knew how to read, and you're smart just like Mama was. You'll be able to learn, too."

Shadow cannot believe that all those squiggles and shapes will ever make sense in his mind and he throws the book down.

"No," I said, reaching for it,"We don't treat books like that. Look at me."

He lifts his eyes because I'll just say it again if he doesn't.

"I have seen teachers teach powerfully dumb kids to read, so I'm plenty hopeful they can teach you too. You hear me? ...I beleive its pretty hard for a caterpillar to think much of itself when it's wrapped up, but more is coming, and boy is it something!" I pat his leg the way I always do and grin at him through shiny teeth. "Would you like to try?"

Shadow reluctantly nods.

I point to many letters on the page. "S-H-A-D-O-W. You know what that spells?"

He doesn't.

I walked up to the front desk at the front of the library and asked permission to borrow a notepad. The lady handed me one, and I grabbed a pencil and walked back to the table.

I wrote the letters down on the first page of the notepad. "That spells 'Shadow'. That's a good-look'n name isn't it? "

He nods and studies the name and looks back at the alphabet, wondering how his name magically came out of there.

I put the pencil in his hand. "Here. Let me help you. Everyone needs to learn how to spell his own name." I wrap my hand around his and talk him through it. "S's are basically backwards Z's. Make a line that goes straight across like that. That's good. Now make a slanted line going down, and then another line aross. Like that. But where the lines connect need to curve. Like so. See? That's a S. Try it yourself."

He tries and looks like a slender backwards Z. He's halfway there.

"Good, good. You're getting it. Now onto the H." I talk him through every letter; thankfully each one of them needs a post so he gets a lot of practice. When he finishes, the letters look like spiders crawling over the paper, but I take the paper and fold it. "I'm keeping this one forever."


	20. Chapter 20

_James' POV:_

It was pouring evening rain outside, which oddly made the house twice as cozy. Shadow was glued to the TV, watching me, Kendall, Carlos, and Logan on Big Time Rush. He would laugh all the time.

"Just remember we're not _that_ crazy in real life." I said as I walked into the kitchen, picking up a few of the dog toys off he floor. "Ugh, I feel like I'm keeping a daycare."

I sat down at the kitchen table in deep thought about this whole school thing.

_He needs to go really soon. Fortunately, the public schools are going on spring break, so that'll buy me some time. _

I _really _did not want to take him to public school. 1. They don't teach squat anymore. And 2. Kids are cruel there.

In fact, I remember one day two years ago during tour when we volunteered to perform a little concert for an elementary school in West Virginia. Logan trudged into the tour bus pissed.

"What happened?!" Carlos and I asked in unison.

"I'm not mad at what _happened, _I'm mad at those kids."

"Well?"

"Before we left, all I did was give Kendall a big hug. Then some 6-year-old called us _fags_. Fags! Where does a 1st grader get that word from?!"

I was thinking about that flashback. Back in the 1930s and '40s, eleven year olds didn't know what sex was. Now in the 2010s there are _6-year-olds _who knew what the term "homosexual" meant?

I didn't want to take him to a private school either. I knew he'd become too confused and frustrated with all the advanced and fast-paced education. I didn't want to have to hire a private teacher either. The only reason for that was because he wouldn't have any good friends to interact with.

"Daddy!" I heard Shadow yell for me.

"Hm?" I said, un-zoning out of my thoughts. I walked into the front hallway and Shadow pointed at the front door. A shadow-like figure was at the door. I became stiff and didn't move.

_Alaric?!_

I ran up to the peephole and sighed in relief.

_Jaime._

I unlocked the door and heard Shadow running up the stairs. "No, Shadow, it's okay! It's just one of my friends."

I opened the door and saw him soaked. "Jaime! Come in! C'mon in."

"Thanks, bud." He said as he bent down to greet the Alaskan Klee Kai begging for his attention. He had on his plaid red and black shirt with a cool hat on. He was honestly one of the few friends I would ever compete with when it came to clothes.

"If Fox was a Chihuahua, I would've named him The Mexican Jumping Bean...Shad- Shadow?" I looked around and saw him cowering behind one of the plants.

"It's okay, Shadow. This is just my friend, Jaime. That's 'James' in Spanish. Did you know that?"

He didn't budge.

"It's not too awful early for bed. Just 8:30. You want me to go ahead 'n tuck you in?"

He nods.

I pick him up and head towards the bathroom. "Sorry, Jaime. This'll only take a sec."

Jaime chuckles and waves his hand in the air. "That's fine."

I quickly helped him brush his teeth and tucked him in, putting the covers up to his neck. Then Fox jumped up on the bed and curled up beside his side. "Jaime is friendly. He won't hurt you, I promise." I reassured him after planting a kiss on his forehead,"I'll come back once I'm ready for bed, k?" He nodded, and I patted his head before walking out.

"Thanks for waiting, dude. Sorry. He's still having trouble meeting people. You should've seen him at the set."

"It's cool, it's-"

I was about to take his hand and lead him to the kitchen, but I cut him off, staring at the 6-pack in his right hand. "You brought beer?"

"Yeah. You don't mind, right? You like Keystone too."

I nodded and led him to the kitchen.

"This is the first I've seen your new house. It's pretty. You like it so far?"

"Thanks, and yeah. It's a lot better than renting."

Jaime set the beer on the table and immediately opened a can.

"Don't drink too much, dude. I'm not calling a cab for you."

"Shut the hell up." He laughed. We started talking about random crap. We even complained about the price of gas, discussed the weather, and even Francis, the new pope.

Jaime reached for another beer, but I snatched the beer first. "Stop. You've had enough."

He was now in a sulk and sighed. "Fine."

"Shadow's got some legit hair." He commented.

I sighed and watched the rain beat against the large window panes in the kitchen. "I've been meaning to get it cut, but everyone says he looks cool."

"Don't cut it. It looks good."

I began to tap my foot to fill the silence in the room.

"So...how's he been do'n?"

"Shadow? He's getting a lot better. He's still afraid to sleep alone, so I've been trying to help h-"

"But come on seriously," He laughed, interrupting me,"_Shadow_? You couldn't think of a better name?"

I stared at him, abashed. "What are you talking about? I didn't rename him."

"Don't play dumb with me. I know your little game-"

"What _game_?!"

"James, James, James," He said slyly,"I know you're fooling the media that you saved a person's life for publicity."

_Dafuq?_

I didn't even know what to say to such a foolish idea. I tried to put words together, but I ended up stuttering.

"He's not an actor, Jaime! He really was hurt."

"Pfft. Like I'd believe that shit. Where is he?"

"What would you want from him anyway?"

Instead of answering, he tried to pass me but I got in his way.

"Jaime, leave!"

He pushed me out of the his way and headed toward Shadow's room, slamming my back against the counter. I fell to the hard-wood floor. I cried out in pain. I felt a burning feeling on my back, and it felt like shards of glass were plaguing it.

"Jaime!" I cried, trying to get up. My breathing was becoming hard to control from both the pain of my back and fear. Tears began to roll down my cheeks.

"Daddy!" I heard Shadow shriek.

I tried to ignore the excruciating pain, knowing I would have to act quickly. I opened the kitchen droor and pulled out a long, sharp knife and ran into Shadow's room. Once there, I leaned myself against the wall, becoming a bit dizzy. Fox was barking and growling at Jaime to the point spume was drooping from his mouth. There was Shadow- trying to untangle himself from Jaime's grasp. I yanked Shadow's arm from Jaime's hand and charged at Jaime, pushing him out into the hallway and accidentally cutting the left side of his cheek with the knife. I could hear Shadow crying in the bedroom.

"Get out!" I hollered. I'm stronger than Jaime. I think.

Jaime charged after me, slamming me against the wall. I felt the stinging pain of my back shoot up and spread throughout my body. I hollered loudly in pain and I could hear my own voice crack. Shadow cried out my name. I pushed Jaime back with all my might, throwing him down to the floor, his back facing me. I got on top of him and put the knife to his throat. I was still grunting and panting from the pain.

"Get the fuck out." I whispered real low.

"You wouldn't hurt me."

"Try me."

He sighed angrily and tried to push me off. "All right, god dammit!"

I got off and threw my knife behind me, grabbing the collar of his shirt with one hand and sinking my nails deep into his side with the other. To be honest, I was surprised he hadn't tried to fight back again. I dragged him to the front door and pushed him, making him topple over the porch into the bushes.

"Never touch my boy again, ya hear?!" I slammed the door and locked it. I was shaking all over, and I could barely stand. Plus, I was _still _grunting and panting from the pain. My heart was beating a million miles an hour and I couldn't control it. I slowly slid down the door and sat on the floor, leaning against the door.

I heard loud bawling come from Shadow's room.

"Shadow come here!" I begged. I was too weak to run to him.

I didn't see him coming and still heard crying.

"Shadow, he's gone! Come here, I need you!"

Moments passed until I finally heard two little feet and four little paws running toward me. I held out my arms and embraced him so tight I was worried his ribs might crack. He was shaking too. Fox sat beside us and watched.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I said into his shoulder over and over again. "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone."


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys! Wassup? Just wanted to inform you that yes, I know I make a lot of typos. After I have completed the story, I'm going to go back and fix them. For example, sometimes in a sentence that's talking about James, I'll put "her" instead of "him". Which to me are the worst typos. Please try to ignore them and thank you for dealing with my un-perfectness. :D**

**_"Possibility" by Lykke Li_**

* * *

_James' POV:_

That night, I didn't go to the hospital. I didn't want everybody knowing about what happened, and I didn't want to call the police either. I just wanted to try and forget about the whole thing. Call me stupid, but I'm already in a whole shitload of stress.

I slept with Shadow in his room like I always do when he's scared. Normally he's a foot away as still as a stick. But last night, he clung to me so tight that there was no room in between us.

I got a call the following morning, on a Saturday, from Scott Fellows (the creator of BTR). My phone was vibrating and I slowly wiggled out of bed, trying to shake off Shadow without waking him up. As I walked out into the living room, I felt a lick on the back of my leg from Fox.

"Hello?"

"Hello, James. This is Scott."

My throat instantly became dry. _Why would he call me at 8:30 in the morning?!_

"Heyyy, Scott. What's up?"

"James...I need to talk to you. I need to give you a heads up on something."

I quickly sat down on the couch. Fox jumped up and laid on my lap. "Oh?"

"It's not a big deal, really. But...you know how the summer tour is coming up, right?"

"Yes, Sir."

"I was wondering if you knew what you were going to do about Shadow."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean are you going to take him with you on tour, or is he going to stay with a relative?"

"Oh...dang. You know, so much has been happening I haven't even thought about that."

"I need you to call Sarah when you have made your decision. You are allowed to take him on tour, but you need to make a plan. Like schooling and things like that. I just wanted to call to remind you. Have I called too early in the morning? I apolog-"

"Oh no, you're fine, Scott! Thank you. I've been trying to figure out if I should take him to public school, or ya know."

"Maybe you can talk with me or Sarah sometime and one of us can help you figure out what to do."

"Thank you, Scott, but I think I've got a plan..."

* * *

_Logan's POV:_

I had no idea what to wear.

_Should I dress formally? Or maybe I should just throw something on,_ I thought.

I sighed. _Chill, Logan. This shouldn't be a date. That would be stupid! Right? I'm getting way too worked up anyways. Besides, I'm a fuckin butterball anyway so whatever I wear shouldn't make much of a difference._

Meeting myself in the middle, I wore something semi-formal, and I put a lot of gel in my hair to make it spike up like it does. I looked over at my cologne on the bathroom sink.

_Should I?_

Reaching for it, my mind stopped me. _No, you're fine._

I glanced at the time on the microwave. It was 8:00. _He never told me an exact time. He just said Saturday evening._

I decided to go ahead 'n get in the car and my mind was racing. _Why are you so nervous, Logan?!_

* * *

_Kendall's POV:_

_When is he coming? Does he even remember? _I thought, wearing semi-formal attire. I rummaged through one of the kitchen droors and found two long, red candles.

_Don't light candles. This isn't some romantic dinner, asshole. Just turn on the lights._

I threw the candles back into the droor and slammed it shut. A million questions were floating in my mind. Should we eat at the coffee table? Was lasagna a bad idea? Is he even going to show up? I'd feel horrible if he ended up not coming. I set the two plates of lasagna on the table in the kitchen.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang and I dashed to the front door to open it. There was Logan with his hands in his pockets. I could've sworn he was blushing. "Hey."

"Hey, Loges," I closed the door behind him,"I'm glad you could make it. I made lasagna. You like lasagna, right?"

He nodded and we both sat down at the kitchen table.

"Need anything to drink?" I asked. He shook his head. My throat was dry to the bone, but I was too nervous to drink anything.

We didn't talk much, which made things very awkward. We just continued to eat and didn't make eye contact. I was starting to forget why I invited him in the first place! I wanted to keep talking.

"Did you see the women's basketball-"

"How could I not," He interrupted with a genuine smile,"I can't believe Texas won."

"Yeah. But I bet Pat Summitt was pissed."

He laughed. "While I was watching, I could just _see _Pat's trademark glare."

And that was pretty much the only talking we did. Every once in a while, I would glance at Logan and look back down at my plate every time he noticed. Then he would do the same to me. I couldn't believe that me and the man I've known for over 4 years, the man that I know _almost _everything about, are barely talking and are acting like we just met for the first time.

Apparently we had taken our sweet time because when we were finished eating, it was 9:45. I knew he was getting ready to leave, but I still had not figured out why he's been acting so different lately.

"Logan wait. It's 9:45! Don't you think it's a little late? You seem tired."

"Nah, it's fine. My house is only 20 minutes away."

"Why don't you just crash here for the night? You can borrow some of my night clothes, and I'm sure I've gotta extra toothbrush somewhere."

I think Logan could tell I _really _wanted him to stay. He shrugged. "Sure."

We both walked into my room, and I headed to my dresser to pick out some pajamas for him. I felt him tap on my shoulder, and I turned around. I instantly became pale.

Logan had a cheesy grin and was holding my book in his hand.

"Where'd you-"

"It was on your nightstand ya G."

I had stopped on page 80 of _Fifty Shades of Grey_ on our last tour because James, Carlos, and Logan were making fun of me for it. But I decided to start reading it again without telling them. Too late now. (**Author's Note: Yes, it's true. Kendall admitted in a cambio interview that he read the first 80 pages of _Fifty Shades of Grey _during their tour in 2012, but he stopped because of the boys' torment. However, I have no idea if he actually continued reading after page 80.**)

I couldn't sugarcoat it or lie, so I just admitted it. I laid my pajamas for him on my bed and walked into my bathroom. "Okay, yes! I continued reading. Could you please let it go?"

He flipped to the page I was currently on an began reading really loud,"He put the balls in my mouth! 'Suck!' He orders! His voice is soft! The balls are cold, smooth, surprisingly heavy, and-!"

"God dammit, Logan! Shut up!" I hollered, my face blushing and is as red as a tomato.

Logan's face was red too but only because of laughter. "And you wonder why we made fun of you!"

I snatched the book from his hand. "Gimme that." I tried throwing it back onto my nightstand, but it landed in the pot of the plant beside it.

"You are either really lonely, gay, or horny to be reading that." He said.

"Shut it." I grumbled, squirting toothpaste onto my toothbrush.

He chuckled. "All right, all right. I'll lay off." He put the book back onto the nightstand. Then Logan closed my bathroom door so he could get changed in my bedroom.

_Why did he close the door? _I thought. _We've seen eachother getting dressed a million times. I wonder why..._

I put down my toothbrush and silently opened the bathroom door.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. "How long, Logan?"


	22. Chapter 22

**"Possibility" by Lykke Li**

* * *

_Logan's POV:_

I suspiciously looked over at Kendall to make sure he was distracted with brushing his teeth. I closed his bathroom door and the door creaked. I cursed at myself in my head but ran over to the bed.

_I have to get dressed quick! _I frantically took off my jeans and hurried to put on the sweatpants Kendall had handed me.

The words on my wrist had not yet healed and neither has the cuts on my stomach. I looked back to make sure Kendall was occupied in the bathroom. I only took my shirt off slowly because of fear.

"How long, Logan?" I heard Kendall in a monotone, quiet voice. Startled, I jumped and turned around. It felt as if the entire world just froze; as if everything froze, but Kendall was the only one allowed to move. Wondering if Kendall could hear how loud my heart was racing, I stammered, trying to figure out what to say. He began slowly walking over to me, and I didn't move an inch.

"How long what?!" I growled.

"How long _this_?!" He had a tight grip on my arm and I felt vulnerable and violated. I tried pulling away, but the more I did the tighter his grip became. A look of shock was on his face, but he was trying to hide it. My legs felt like pudding under me and I leaned myself against the bed.

It felt like hours went by in silence as he examined my arms and stomach.

"K- Kendall..." I would nervously call out his name a few times, but he ignored me.

"Well?" Kendall finally said, looking me straight in the eyes.

I tried not to meet them. "Well _what_?!"

"How long, Logie?"

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Why the hell would you even care?"

"What?!"

"You heard my words."

"How could you think that I-"

"Think? I _know _you don't care. You said it yourself you hated feeling sorry for people."

"I didn't say that!"

"Yes, you did."

"I said I don't like people who pretend they're sad or hurt to make others feel sorry," tears began to form in his eyes.

"Well don't feel sorry for me. You think that if I wanted you to know, I would've told you?!"

"L- Logan. Y- You're hurt!" was all Kendall could manage to get out.

"I know."

"Why are you doing this?" It took me a while to realize that I was being pinned to the bed.

"It's stupid."

"Logan, you are cutting your skin open! Whatever is driving you to do that isn't little and stupid."

I finally explained to him everything. Half of me wanted this to happen for so long and the other half absolutely hated this. I told him starting with Carson Kennedy and to the mean comments. I looked up at him and his eyes were rimmed with red. He took a shakey breath and pressed his forehead against my own. "I'm sorry, Logan...things'll get better though. I'll make sure of it. You are never cutting ever again."

For a split second, I completely forgot where I was. All I knew was that Kendall was right here with me, and I smiled. His green orbs and red rim of the eyes reminded me of Christmas time. I laughed in my head. I rammed my forehead harder into his and in the spur of the moment, I kissed him. It was a simple butterfly-like kiss, and my lips purposely brushed against his. I wasn't sure how long in seconds this lasted, but I knew it was a while. We didn't make out or move- we didn't even pucker our lips. They were simply just touching.

He slowly sat up and wouldn't pry his eyes off of me, a warm smile etching across his face.

"Things'll get better." I repeated his words, smiling up at him.

It was 11:30 when we both walked out onto his back porch. Even though the house was brand new, the deck creaked with nearly every other step. I kind of liked that, actually. He must come out here a lot. We both leaned against the railing, listening to a radio in one of the neighbor's garages playing "Our Deal" by Best Coast.

"...Do you like Califronia better than Texas?"

I shrugged. "Texas has its pros and cons. California does too."

We looked out at the beautiful scenery. The wind was blowling and the air smelt beachy. The stars were surprisingly out too.

"Look!"

"Plane."

"Damn it."

We were both completely bored and didn't feel like going to bed. "Wanna watch a movie?" I asked.

He nodded and opened the sliding glass door, shutting it behind him. He ambled his way into the living room to pick one out. I stayed outside until he picked one out, admiring the palm trees in the distance and marveled at how different the plants in California were from Texas.

I heard his cell phone ring from inside and he ran into his bedroom to get it. I shrugged to myself and kept staring up into the night sky. I could just barely hear what Kendall was saying into his phone in the bedroom.

"Hello?"

Pause.

"Yes, this is Kendall Schmidt. Who is this?"

Pause.

"Uhh...yes, sir. I am. Who- who is this?"

Pause.

"Can't _tell _you until I _know _who you are! Is this-"

Pause.

"I'm calling the pol-"

Pause.

"Yes." I heard Kendall say in a firm yet annoyed voice. Kendall doesn't like being interrupted.

Then there was a very long pause. Moments later, I heard Kendall rush out of the bedroom and open the sliding glass door.

"...I think Alaric just threatened us."


	23. Chapter 23

_James' POV:_

As Mrs. Stout pulled out of my driveway, I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Fox began to paw at my legs so I picked him up and set him on my lap. "Shouldn't you be with Shadow?" I asked Fox, thinking about the sleeping boy in his room. Of course, the only responce I got from Fox was him licking my chin, giving me kisses. I looked down at the list of teachers I had interviewed for Shadow today. Four. Miss. Ballard, Mrs. McBride, Mrs. Vitale, and finally Mrs. Stout. I made sure they were all women because I know how uneasy Shadow still is around many men. I had to decide which one to hire for him.

Ruth Ballard was nice, but I could tell that she'd probably get a little quick to frustration. Plus, there was something weird with her left eye, almost like it twitched. She looked like she was in her mid thirties, and she ambled her way in with a tie dye shirt on. For some odd reason, I didn't really feel like I could trust her. Other than that, there wasn't much else to say about her.

The minute I started talking with Julia McBride, I couldn't wait till she was out of my house. Her attire was _waay _too formal. Her blonde hair was tied in a perfect bun with not one hair sticking out. Her vocabulary was so strong, I was surprised she told me, "Excuse me," rather than, "Please remove yourself from where I wish to advance." How is she even married?! As soon as I was done speaking to her, she left. She did not tell me about having any children, maybe grandchildren, what she likes, dislikes, or anything. If I could only use one word to describe Mrs. McBride, it would be "stiff." I wanted Shadow to feel relaxed around his teacher.

Aliyah Vitale was an intelligent, scrawny woman who had a funny laugh and had a good sense of humor. After meeting Kalina Stout, it was hard deciding between the two of them. Kalina had a smile on her face without even trying. She was an old woman in her late 60's but looked pretty for her age. She kept on telling me stories about her two grandchildren and where she was originally from- Baltimore, Maryland. She also used a few big words here 'n there, but nothing like McBride.

_I think-if anybody-Shadow would love Mrs. Stout._

I yawned as I glanced at the clock, and I couldn't believe it was 10 at night. _I have to go to work tomorrow! _Mrs. Stout and I had talked for a long time. Each of them had seen Shadow but only momentarily. He kept getting too nervous and ran up to his bedroom, the Alaskan Klee Kai following not far behind.

I trudged up the stairs with Fox and silently passed Shadow's room and entered the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth, and use the bathroom. Then I trudged to my room, stripping off my clothes and pulling up my underwear and pajama pants. Suddenly, the lights go out, leaving Fox and me in the dark. I flip the switch, noticing the hallway light is out as well.

_First the refrigerator breaks, now I've blown a fuse? _ I was starting to have doubts about buying and not renting.

I walk with my leg sticking out in front of me to make sure the pinkie toe doesn't fulfill its purpose.

(The pinkie toe: to find furniture in the dark.)

I opened the screen door and walk onto the deck where the fuse box is located beside the table and chairs.

A hand clamps firmly over my mouth and a muffled shriek escapes my lips. The hand pushes my face up against the house. I feel boneless and taste blood in my mouth. A man's breath is on my neck, and I can smell the scent of beer. It leaves a chill running down my spine. What is this man going to do to me?! What does he want?!

"Get that boy out of here."

Is it Alaric? Jaime? One of the guys at work? Who is it?! I can't hear from the rush of blood through my ears. I don't know if he's talking to me or to someone with him who's after Shadow. I buckle like a horse, knocking my head back into his head. He groans, and a fist falls solid on my cheek. My knees buckle but don't take me down. I can't scream; I can't wake Shadow.

"God, help me." I plead. My eyes widened. I meant to pray that in my mind, but it accidentally came out. Then the man slapped me in the face, and my head felt so dizzy, I could hardly keep it up.

"Say that name again, and I'll kill you!"

My blood runs like boiling water through my veins, and I knee him as hard as I can in his "manhood". He gropes at his lower area, and when I move to see him in the moonlight he slams me against the house. A cold front had come and it was cold outside, meaning that the side of the house was freezing cold. I squealed in horrific shock when I felt my entire chest and side-of-face make contact with the ice-cold wall. I started shivering from the cold, not fear. Now I was _furious._

You do not think of the God Almighty as some nuisance like that. Ever.

A trickle of red stickiness runs over my teeth as I chomp down like a gopher into his flesh when he tries to cover my mouth again.

He slaps me twice, my face thumping against the house each time. I turn to him again, trying to collect myself so I can try an attempt to kick his ass, but he's gone. He vanished down towards the creek and was already too far away for me to catch up to him.

"You will pay for that sin." I say through clench teeth, knowing he wouldn't hear me.

I'm as sturdy as a fish propped up on its tail and stumble to the door. My legs aren't beneath me, but I manage to stumble inside and lock the door. I dash through the house and up the stairs. I throw open the door to Shadow's room, and he's sound asleep. I run and lock the kitchen door before falling down on the door in my bedroom, shaking. From fear, the cold, rage I do not know. My blood is cooling, but I can still hear the thump of my heart. I rest against the door and try to breathe. What just happened? Who was he? Why? Why didn't Fox bark? In a matter of seconds I felt like I was wandering into a strange and hidden place I've never been before. When I took a fist to the face, something rose up from some remote place inside me and pulled back the veil from my eyes an even stronger propriety love for this child. Afterall, I had no idea how much danger Shadow was still in. On top of that, he's had nightmares every night. He will get into crying fits, and I'll have no idea why and what's on his mind. He wasn't just some kid I was going to feed and clothe; this little, despondent boy was mine. I wasn't about to let anyone get near him.

My bones feel like dough as I walk back outside and quickly fix the fuse. I come back in, go to the bathroom, and shut the door behind me. I look in the mirror and gasp. An inch-long cut is under my eye, and it looks like cherry juice is dripping down my face. There is a big circle on both cheeks that is blue and purple. Already I have a bruise. Also, my lip is busted open. I feel renewed anger and confusion and splash water on my face, then hold toilet paper against my cuts to make the bleeding stop. I think about calling Carlos or Kendall & Logan, but it's too late, and I don't want Sheriff Dutton pulling into the driveway and waking up the boy and scaring him to death. I'll call the guys tomorrow. I'll figure out the rest later.

I tape a bandage under my eye, and when I try to open my mouth even the slightest, it hurts.

I sit down on the toilet lid and put my head in my hands and begin to sob.

_I have work tomorrow. What do I do?!_

So many thoughts collect in my mind. Unfortunately, all of the negative ones.

I look up to the sky, squinting when I see the bathroom light. "Father, I want to help my son. B- But can I really do this?"

I mentally slap myself in the face. _God will not ask you to do something without giving you what you need to do it right._

I jump when I hear the bathroom door open. Shadow. I guess he heard me crying. His hair is tangled into a feathery knot on top of his head and it sways a little when he steps back pointing at the eggplant on my face.

I try to ignore the pain of my face when I speak. "T-This? I took a terrible fall on the porch a lil' while ago while you were asleep. Just about knocked myself out."

His face is a frozen mixture of bewilderment and fright.

"Looks like I went a round with Joe Louis, huh?" He has no idea what I mean, and I throw my hands up and punch the air. "The boxer."

His eyes are sad and hopeless and he reaches out to touch the bandage.

"It's okay. It doesn't hurt," I lie,"I'm just clumsy. That's all."

He studies my wounds. His face is tense and I see him digging down inside himself, pulling something up. It sounds like he's muttering, "no, no, no," but I can't be sure.

I take his hands and say again. "I'm fine."

He points at my face and balls his hand into a fist, slamming it into his other hand. He does it again and points to my lip. His eyes water over. "I'm ok-"

"No, no, no, Daddy," he cries, slamming himself into me and burying his face into my chest. "Don't leave! Don't die like Mama! Daddy, no!" He's in hysterics.

I give him a big, long hug and wipe his tears away with my thumb. "I'll be okay, Shadow. I'm not going anywhere."

He is uncertain, looking at me. He touches my eye.

"That'll be good in no time."

Then my lip.

"That too."

He gives me a clumsy hug that feels like a little piece of heaven. He's still crying and I try to hum a tune to calm him down.

"...Besides. Mama isn't _gone. _She's just in a better place right now. And you know what? You'll see her again one day. I promise."


	24. Chapter 24

_James' POV:_

I was going to settle things tonight. Period.

_I just need to tell Carlos what happened. He won't tell anyone else._

Shadow and I were in the car, Shadow wanting to stick his head out the window, but the strap was holding him secured in his seat.

When we stopped at a red light, I lay my head against the seat and sighed, looking out the window. A rose-gray sky stands over Hollywood. I was worn-out and ready for bed, but I knew I would be far from sleep for a few- no, a _bunch _more hours. My mind drifted back to this morning. I went to work extra early to cover the bruises on my face and beg Loretta not to tell anyone what had happened after I had to explain it to her.

I jumped and the flashback of this morning escaped my mind when Shadow spoke.

"Why are you taking me to Uncle Carlos' house?"

I swallowed hard. "I need to run an errand, and I figured you'd like to go spend time with him instead of going on boring errands." I wasn't sure if he knew what "errand" means, but I ignored that thought. I looked in the car mirror and saw Shadow in the back- looking uncomfortable.

_I'm sorry, Shadow. But I really have to do this._

I pull off the crossroads and cruise on into Carlos' neighborhood. Carlos' black Ford Explorer is in his driveway, and when Shadow sees it he lets out a yelp of recognition. But Kendall and Logan's cars are in the driveway too which confuses us both. I sure didn't want to explain to them what happened to my face, but I had no other choice.

I got out of the car and help Shadow out of his car seat. We both walk up the big porch steps to the beautiful house and I knock the traditional three times. When Kendall answers the door, his eyes are wide in a mix of horror and surprise.

"Hey, Kendall. What are you and Logan doing h-"

"James! What happened to you?! You looked fine this morning." He nearly pushed us both in and locked the door behind us.

"I asked you a question first. Answer it." I told him.

"Carlos needed Logan's help with a new song he's writing. I wanted to come along because Carlos just bought a snow cone machine recently. We were just about to leave actually."

Kendall's eyes don't betray his thoughts, and I nod, letting him know that I'm okay and will tell the three of them everything in a few minutes.

"W- Well, how's everything been going?"

"Good. I just hired a private teacher for Shadow. She's really nice. Her name is Mrs. Stout. Shadow knows how to spell his name! He'll be reading a Dick and Jane book in no time." I looked desperately for some sort of distraction for Shadow. "You need to go to the bathroom, Shads?"

He feels awkward by the nickname but loves it. He glances down at the floor, looks back up at me, and nods.

"Alrighty. I'll show you where it is." I take his little hand and lead him to the nearest bathroom. I close the door for him and powerwalk back into the kitchen. I was startled to see Carlos and Logan standing beside Kendall.

"James? When did you get here? And what happened to your face?!"

I plop down onto the couch and allow Sydney, Carlos' German Shepard, to lay her head on my lap.

"What happened, James?" Logan's eyes are solemn and round.

"Somebody turned the lights out last night and got a hold of me on my deck."

"And you're just now telling us?" Carlos says.

"It was late, Carlos, and there was nothing any of you could've done."

"Did you call 'Dutton?" Kendall asks.

"I didn't want the sheriff making noise. It was late!"

"Sheriff Dutton could've been out looking for him, James!" Kendall's voice was sharp and his back was stiff.

"By the time he got there the man would've been long gone, and he'd wake Shadow and scare him to death with all the talk of what happened."

"What _did _happen?" Logan asked, falling onto the couch beside me.

"He grabbed me and said 'Get the boy out of here'. When I tried to get away, he slammed my head into the house. When I cried for the Father to help me, he told me 'Say that name again, and I'll kill you'. I fought him and ended up looking like this. I came here wondering if you, Carlos, would babysit him tonight while I go out and try to figure out who hurt me."

Kendall and Logan went quiet and Carlos nods at the babysitting part, wringing his hands together like he's trying to squeeze something out of them. "Somebody doesn't want Shadow here...Someone who wishes he had never been born."

Kendall bit his lip and looked over at Logan.

Logan spoke up when seeing the blonde's face. "Well...K- Kendall got a phone call Saturday. We think it was-"

Just then, Shadow came running in, and Logan stopped his sentence- probably the answer to my question being left hanging in the air.

I swallow hard yet again and look at Shadow. "Well, I guess I better get going. The sooner I get these errands done, the sooner I'll be back to pick you up."

Three young men raise an eyebrow at the word "errands," but quickly realize Shadow thought he was here because I had to run some real errands like grocery shopping or some appointment.

"We were just leaving too, actually." Kendall said as he got his coat. Logan was already wearing his.

I crouched down to Shadow's height and said,"You're okay with staying with Uncle Carlos for a little while, right?"

He's a little hesitant, but he nods.

"Yeah, we'll have a lot of fun! I can show him how to make cookies, and he can play with Sydney. I can even read him a story from the Bible!" Carlos chimed in.

Shadow looked back up at me. "Fox?"

I chuckled and ruffled his hair. "He's fine. He's in charge of the house while we're gone."

I mentally laughed picturing the 8 pound, innocent dog who is still teething being the "man" of my house.

I kissed Shadow on the cheek,"I'll see you in a few hours, kay? If you miss me, just tell Carlos and he'll show you how to use a phone. Then you can call me."

They both wave good-bye, and I close the front door behind me, headed to my car and then to Jaime's house.


	25. Chapter 25

**Please review! :)**

* * *

_Narrator's POV:_

Carlos noticed Shadow looking around in awe.

"You like mi casa?" Carlos asked. But before he could reply or ask what in the world "mi casa" meant, Carlos went on,"It's actually a California bungalow. It's a bit small. In fact, my room is the loft. But it's worth it for it having such a beautiful exterior." As he said this, a black and white cat pressed herself against Shadow's leg and purred.

"That's Ki ki, me and Alexa's cat. We just got her. I see she has a liking to you."

Shadow also believed Carlos had a honey-dissolving voice just like James.

"Are you hungry?"

Shadow shook his head.

"Well then, I guess we can skip dinner," He said as he walked into his kitchen with Shadow and Ki ki following,"I've already eaten."

As soon as Shadow walked into the room, the wiff of a spicy food of some sort reached his nostrils.

* * *

_Logan's POV:_

I flung open the car door and stepped inside. Suddenly, I felt two warm hands grip my hips, swinging me around to face him, and press me down; making me lie down on the seat.

A ray of evening sunshine shone down on the pale face and revealed that it was Kendall.

"Kendall, what are you doing?!" I hissed.

"Calm down." He coaxed, sliding his hands down to the button of my jeans. My face instantly turned pale and then a shade of red, and Kendall noticed.

He zipped down the zipper of my jeans. When he slowly slipped down my jeans and boxers, I started sweating. I felt like a little infant that couldn't do anything to protect itself.

"Kendall, why are you doing this?"

Then after what seemed like forever, he pulled them back up. "Just making sure there were no cuts on your thighs," He lowered himself closer to me and ruffled my hair,"I told you I would make sure you'd stop, and I'm keeping my word."

When he ran back to his car after saying goodbye, he pulled out of Carlos' driveway. Then I saw James walking out the front door and went to this car.

I had never felt so vulnerable in my life, yet a small smile slowly spread across my face.

* * *

_Carlos' POV:_

I run the water and ask him to take off his clothes. "Are you alright with taking off your clothes? I need to take off your bandages and give you a good cleaning."

He stands there for a minute almost as if he's thinking about it.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you. We are both children of God. As His children, we are not supposed to hurt people."

Shadow slowly stripped down.

"You've gained more weight since the first time I ever saw you. That's good. You're going to be big and strong in no time flat!"

I take the bandages off his back and keep my face fixed tight so he can't read the lines between my eyebrows telling him the awful truth of what I see. "Jump on in."

He looks into the tub as if staring into a deep pit.

I wad the bandages in my hand. "Go on. Sit right on down and take a good soak."

He steps in and stands with his knees bent as if the ground is unsteady beneath him.

I sit on the toilet's lid and smile at him. "Sit on down and I'll give you a washrag."

He eases himself in and the water covers his legs. He reacts and tries to pull himself up. "It's okay," I said, handing the rag to him, "I'll turn the water off."

I reach for the soap and rub it back and forth over the washrag. "Here you go. Use this on your legs, belly, and face, 'n I'll wash your back."

Lathering up my hands, I begin to work them nice and easy over his back. I watch as he attempts to work the rag over his skin and the rag seems too big and cumbersome in his small hands. "You'll get the hang of it. May I wash your hair?"

He nods, and I cup some water in my hands and bring it over his head. I should've brought in a bowl or something to help with this part. He closes his eyes tight as the water drips down his face, and he makes great puffing sounds as he tries to blow it off his mouth. "It's just running down your face," I said as I scooped another handful before pouring shampoo in my hand.

He cups his hands over his face as I work fast and then cup more water to rinse out the shampoo. I act like I'm all out of breath and tired, leaning on the edge of the tub for rest. "Shew! I'm pooped." He looks at me through his fingers, and I can tell that he's grinning.

"Is that a grin under there?" I try to move his fingers, and he holds them fast in place. I splash more water on his belly. He makes a rattling noise.

"That is a grin _and _a laugh," I say, laughing and splashing more water on him. He tries to splash me, but I splash faster, not caring about the water rising up over the rim and pouring onto the floor or the droplets of water landing on all bathroom furniture. I could clean all of that up later. Afterall, he's having so much fun.

His mouth opens and closes like a baby bird's. I laugh, watching him,"You're a good boy, you know that?"

He stops splashing, and an arresting trace of sorrow settles over his face, his sapphire eyes screaming out in pain. It's a bleak, deep sadness, the kind that stomps on your lungs and lodges into your throat.

I gently splash his belly again as one of my last mini-hopes/ways of cheering him up- even just a lil'. Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and the veins are swelling in his neck. I realize what I have done and touch his knee. "You're a good boy."

His shoulders begin to tremble, and a choking sound comes from his mouth.

What despicable words and monstrous acts echo in his mind? I hope what I say will boom in his ears. I lean my head on his and whisper again,"You're a good boy."

I quickly pull my head away as he shakes his head vigorously and more pools of tears fall.

"Yes. Yes, you are. You're a good boy."

His soft crying becomes sobbing. I put my hands under his arms and pull him out of the water. I sit on the toilet-lid and take the drenched, naked boy onto my lap and then wrap a towel around him. Rocking him as he sobs, long hollow wails ring in my ears.

"You're a good boy, good boy," I say over and over, holding tight to him. A cloudy mist hangs in the bathroom as I rock him, whispering the words like a song.


	26. Chapter 26

_James's POV:_

My grip on the steering wheel made my knuckles pure white.

_If he was the one who tried to hurt me- wanted to hurt Shadow..._

How could I ever convince Jaime that Shadow was not some actor that I hired to get publicity and that he is my real son? Sure, his belief did seem quite realistic, but still. His belief wasn't true.

At the red light on Devinshire Dr., I leaned back against the seat and sighed. I remembered a long time ago when I tried auditioning for Twilight. **(Author's Note: It's true. James Maslow actually auditioned, but as you can see, he didn't get a part in the movie.****)** I felt like one of the characters: Bella Swan (without the vampires and werewolves)- a girl whom many wanted dead and she risked her life for what seemed like a thousand times.

Bella was never safe.

I feel like Bella.

After what seemed like forever, I pulled into his driveway, seeing if I could catch a glimpse of Stumpy, Jaime's black cat with yellow eyes, walking along the side of the house. (His name was Stumpy because he was born with a stumped tail.) Stumpy always hung out in his front yard where he could watch the cars fly by, same with butterflies. However, he was nowhere to be found. I went to reach for my gun on the floor of the car. _Crap. It's Alaric's now. _A terrifying thought struck me hard, thinking about "what ifs" and praying that he would never one day break into our house and _use _his new precious weapon. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. _Focus, James. Focus, James. Focus._

I stuck out my wobbly, weak legs first out of the car and then the rest of myself. I hoped that my pallid face was not perceptible. I was angry, but I was a little more afraid than anything now. I slammed the car door behind me, locking it. I pulled my leather jacket tighter around me, although it was 70 degrees outside. Walking towards the front door, I eyed his disheveled front yard. _Stumpy? Where are you?_

I knocked on his door the traditional three times, and it took about half a minute before he answered.

"James?! What the fuck are you doing here?"

I didn't make eye contact with him. "I came to talk to you..."

He reluctantly opened his door all the way for me, his expression not changing when I lifted my head for him to see the bruises. We walked over to his living room, and he plopped himself on his couch. I looked around the familiar room, and it looked...different.

A heavy silence rose in the air for what seemed like hours.

"So...where's Stumpy? I didn't see him outside."

"_That's _what you came here for? To ask that?"

"No, smartass. You know that's not why."

He shrugged. "I sold him."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Why?!"

"Don't have enough money to take care of 'im."

"You sold him just to pay for drugs, didn't you? I know you. Don't lie to me." My voice was monotone and plain in unbelief, still amazed at how he is going to ruin his life just to get high.

"Shut up, asshole. What are you really here for?" He was getting angry.

I looked at him long and hard. "Did you do this to me?" I pointed to my face.

He chuckled. "What?"

"You heard me."

He laughed. "James, James, James-"

I leaned in closer to his face. "Yes. Or. No?"

"...Or."

My anger was seething, and my eyes gave a glint of fire. My actions acted before my brain, and the next thing I knew, a red handprint appeared on his right cheek. "I knew it was you!"

To my surprise, he didn't push me back or slap me. Normally it was easy to chafe him.

"Whether I beat the shit out of you or not, you deserved it."

"_What did I do_?!" I asked, my voice rising.

"'Lying through your teeth! That boy is an actor. Everyone is an idiot for not knowing that, but I do."

"How can you know _anything _when you're high all the fuckin' time?!"

_Oh shit. Why did I say that?!_

He grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me towards him as he slapped me repeatedly. My heart throbbed in my throat and my entire face stung. He pushed me backward so fast and I fell to the hard-wood floor head first. When I heard the 'whack' of my head hitting the floor, I knew that wasn't good. My head felt dizzy and fragments of light began to dim. A shot like electricity seized me when I felt him kick me over and over in the stomach and chest. My stomach lurched, but I tried to remain still.

I heard someone cry out in pain, and I realized it was me when Jaime said,"I like to hear you yelp and scream. It's almost cute."

He knelt down to my shaking form and grabbed my chin, lifting it up so I could see his face. "Don't tell 'police what happened, and I won't beat you down now..."

He let go, and my head landed on the floor again and I moaned. I wanted to go to sleep so bad, just a nap, but I couldn't. I couldn't do anything but gasp for breath, lay there helplessly, and watch Jaime look down at me, watching his stomach rise with each breath. I tried forcing myself up, and with every move I made the pain was almost unbearable.

"I'm leaving." I managed to choke out. Knowing I was defeated by Jaime hurt me more than the actual pain.

* * *

_Narrator's POV:_

_"I waited." Alaric pulls Shadow close, and that bald, pink head leans down to his ear. The sickening odor of liquor on the man's breath fills the boy's nostrils and a foul taste sticks in his throat like a bone._

_"I'm still waitin'."_

_The skillet clangs like out-of-tune thunder when it falls to the floor and then stops._

Shadow felt himself being shook, and he heard what sounded like an angel's voice. His heart was banging against his ribs and he pulled his knees into his chest, hoping Alaric couldn't hear it. Bang, bang, bang! The sound is so loud that he covered his ears. He lifted his head and found out that the angel's voice was Carlos's.

"You must've had one horrible nightmare! I thought I could never get you to wake up...I was just reading, and I heard you tossing and turning all the way from the livingroom. I've never seen a child get such a nightmare while just taking a nap."

Shadow just continued to stare into Carlos's face.

"Do you think you can get back to sleep?"

Shadow shook his head.

"Would you like to read with me?"

Shadow wasn't really sure how since, well, he didn't _know _how. "I- I don't know how to read." He muttered, his voice as quiet and small as a mouse's squeak.

"That's fine. I can read to you. Would you like that?" Carlos's smile grew as wide as the Cheshire cat's.

Shadow nodded, and Carlos ran out into the livingroom and came back with a claret-colored Bible.

He ran back to his bed and sat criss-crossed at the end of the bed with the thick book in between them. "We could read all night! There are 66 stories to tell from here."

Shadow still wasn't the best at reading or distinguishing letters, but he recognized those five gold squiggly lines on the cover of the book. His mom used to read to him from the book with those same squiggly lines and shapes on the cover. He put his finger on it.

"Jesus."

The way Shadow said it, it sounded like "Jussus," but Carlos nodded. "Yes, He is in these stories."

"We have so much to read and learn about the past! But we have plenty of time. Where should we start? Samson? Abraham? Moses? Paul?"

All of those names sounded foreign to Shadow. He had no idea if those stories were nonfiction or not and he knew nothing about the book except for what he could remember from the gospels that Mama had read.

Carlos turned the lamp on so they could see better. It gave off a glow not too bright and not too dark that made the loft twice as cozy. Then Carlos picked Shadow up and set him on his lap, giving him a kiss on the head. "I guess the best place to start is the very beginning."

Carlos flipped to the beginning of Genesis and began reading: "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

And God said, "Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water." So God made the vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. God called the vault "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

And God said, "Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the vault of the sky." So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living thing with which the water teems and that moves about in it, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

Then God said, "Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them."


	27. Chapter 27

**~Chapter 27 already?! Wow. :D**

**~The 5th & 6th graders in my school just got a tarantula for a class pet yesterday. Guess what they named it? Shadow. Ahh what a coincidence. :)**

**~Thank you to all who have reviewed, favorited, and followed! Shout-out to EvyxxChan for all of her awesomeness and support!** **:)**

* * *

_James' POV:_

I slammed the front door behind me and turned around to find myself in a very dark bungalow.

"Shh! You'll wake up Shadow." I heard Carlos' voice and heard rustling from where the couch was.

"Why is he asleep," I whispered, with every move of my mouth causing great pain, "It's only eight. Normally he goes to bed at 8:45 exactly for some reason. This is odd of him."

"We weren't sure how long it'd take you to come back." Carlos said as he moved for the string of the lamp and pulled it.

He gasped. "James", he hissed, "What the hell happened to you?!"

My body was a visual map of contusions. I was hunched over as if I had a bad stomach ache. My cerise colored lips were now a scarlet color thanks to the blood. Even my cheerful and lively brown russet eyes were a murky, despondent brown. Carlos couldn't move because Shadow was sleeping on his lap. If he moved, Shadow would wake up and see him like this. "What ha-"

"James." (Jaime)

"If- if I would've known you could've gotten hurt-"

"I'll be okay. I promise." I said, holding my head and hoping I wouldn't loose consciousness any second now.

"You don't look like you're okay."

"I'm fine."

He looked at me long and hard. He didn't offer me a seat on the couch because he knew I wouldn't take it.

"So...was he the one who-?"

"Yes. He was the one who attacked me on my deck."

He almost looked relieved for some odd reason. "Oh."

I limped over to pick up Shadow until Carlos stopped me. "Don't. You'll hurt yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "Carlos. I'm strong. I can pick up a seven-ye-"

"_James_." His voice was firm and serious.

"...Fine." I crossed my arms, hoping he wouldn't notice me wince.

"How did you drive all the way here in that condition? You can barely stand."

"It took me a while," I wanted to change the subject, "So...what did you and do while I was gone?"

"After I gave Shadow a bath, he decided to take a nap. Then Shadow woke up from a really bad nightmare."

I didn't understand why he had such a big smile on his face. "Yip...pey?"

"So I sat down with him and read him a few chapters from Genesis. Can you believe he didn't even know that God is real? It's sad."

"It is."

His smile widened. "But he knows now!"

"M- maybe you should stay here for the night." Carlos suggested.

"Jaime is not going to hurt us again, Carlos. I've taken care of the situation." I smiled as if I had triumphed all evil.

"N- no. It's not _that._..There's something I was going to tell you before you left. S- Something you should know..."

I sat down on the edge of the coffee table, wondering what it was. "Carlos...?"

He bit his bottom lip and paused, trying to collect the right words. Noticing my happy face when I told him the situation with Jaime was over and that there wasn't much to worry about now, I could tell he was afraid to tell me his important news.

"A few nights ago...Kendall got a phone call...we think it was from Alaric."

My heart already began to race. "What did the voice sound like?" _Maybe it wasn't Alaric._

He chuckled. "Kendall told me it sounded like someone from deep in the Tennessee hills had called 'im."

"Shit."

Carlos continued on..."Kendall thinks that he tried to threaten us."

I literally felt a burn in my heart and I became as still as a stonewall. I glanced down at Shadow. He was still fast asleep, his tiny hands curled up into fits against his pale face. I clasped my head again to still the dizziness. "W- Who's 'us'?"

"Well...when Kendall answered, Alaric asked 'is this Kendall Schmidt?' He told him yes and asked who was calling. Alaric didn't tell him who and asked if he was friends with you or something like that. Kendall was like: 'Yes, sir. I am. Who is this?'"

My blood ran cold. I didn't want to hear the rest, but I knew I had to. "...And?"

"Alaric asked Kendall if he knew your phone number 'er address or something like that...Kendall told Alaric that he wouldn't tell him unless he _knew _who was even calling...So- so..."

"Go on." I coaxed, sighing with a shaky breath.

"Alaric told Kendall that he better tell him now or he- quote: 'or I will blow you both away.'"

I took a huge breath and took the tight grip from my head and I almost fell over. I held onto the arm of the couch and wanted to speak, but I was breathless. I was being too overwhelmed.

But Carlos continued on. "Kendall immediately said he was going to call the police, but Alaric said 'Nuh-uh-uh. We wouldn't wanna call the police, now would we?' That's when Kendall hung up."

"Did Kendall still call the police?"

"Yes, he said he did this morning. When the police tried to track down the location from where Alaric had called- it was at a payphone in Lynwood. I thought Sheriff Dutton would've called you and told you by now."

"My phone has been on silent all morning...I haven't even checked- ugh! I've been too- too-" Tears began to form in my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. I didn't want Carlos thinking I couldn't handle taking care of my own son.

Carlos thought for a moment. "I'm sure he's at your house looking for you right about now."

"Alaric?!"

"No, no. Sheriff Dutton."

"Oh. You think?"

"Well I mean he probably wants to make sure you guys are okay."

"I should probably call him and tell him we're fine."

"Alright. So are you going to stay here tonight. I'm sure it's safer."

"No, Carlos. I'm not going to be afraid to go to my own house. I am an American. I'm not going to back down and give in." My own quote gave me hope and I kept repeating "I am an American. I'm not going to back down or give in." over and over in my head.

Carlos' voice was now breaking and he was on the verge of crying. "But I'm afraid you'll get hurt...maybe not today. But what if- what if tomorrow? Or the next day?"

I took a long look at Carlos. Carlos Roberto Pena Jr.- my co-worker, my bandmate, my friend, my _best _friend, my brother. I had many doubts that what I was about to say was right. I leaned over and gave Carlos a kiss him on the forehead. "Shadow and I will be fine."

"P- promise?"

I knew I shouldn't promise.

"Promise."

* * *

**"I am an American. I'm not going to back down or give in."**


	28. Chapter 28

_Shadow's POV:_

_Two weeks later_

Fox refuses to let go of the chew toy, so I let him have it. He walks away and I walk over to the window when I caught sight of a butterfly. It was a dizzying day of sunshine and sweat out there, but now it was getting dark and I knew any minute now, Daddy would come home like he always does from the thing he calls "the set of Big Time Rush."

"Okay, Shadow. I'm back." Mrs. Stout said, coming out of the bathroom. Mrs. Stout homeschooled me and babysat me at the same time. Although I'm not really sure what "babysat" means. I'm not a baby, and I don't think babies like being sat on.

She began putting the books back into her tote bag, and I started getting worried.

I think she noticed, because she just laughed with the friendliest grin on her face. "Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not leaving till your dad gets home. I'm afraid we're done for the day. I think being able to count to 1000 is a great accomplishment, don't you think?"

I nodded.

Suddenly, I hear Fox yap and then the garage door opening.

"That must be him no- ow..."

When the door opened, Daddy came out. But there was something wrong with him. His eyes were pink and puffy and his face was tearstained. He turned to look at me and smiled. "Hey, kiddo."

"Sh- Should I ask...?" Mrs. Stout stammered.

Daddy didn't meet her eyes, "Today was- was...," He took a shaky breath, "Today we finished filming the series finale...of BTR..."

My eyes widened, and I didn't really know what to think. Was that a good thing? Obviously not. I wasn't sure what a "series finale" is, but I knew that it probably wasn't good.

Mrs. Stout quickly went over to him and gave him a hug. "I am so sorry, James. But you have to remember that nothing lasts forever."

"I- I know. I just never imagined this day coming. That show started four years ago...and I auditioned two years before we even began filming...it became a routine. I thought it- it would never end."

"But there's always the future to look forward to."

"Yes, I know...I just wish the show could still be a part of it."

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry, I know this chapter is crazy short. But don't worry, I'm going to post another chapter tomorrow (Friday) like I always do. Just letting you know I'm almost finished with this story. I think I only have maybe...2 or 3 chapters left-I think? I was thinking about making a "Shadow's Inner Sanctum 2" where Shadow is 14, but I can't really think of a conflict. If you guys have any ideas, please do not hesitate to tell me. :) Thank you all who have read, reviewed etc.! :)**


	29. Chapter 29

_Narrator's POV:_

Phillip and Ali were was always with their dad, Mike Maslow, when they were younger. After either one of them did something wonderful like fed food to the homeless or get straight A+'s a year striaght, their father would take them fishing or to the movies or to get ice cream. Sometimes they even did that when it was just a boring everyday weekend. However, Mike hardly ever did anything with his youngest child, James. James always thought that he liked Phillip and Ali more than him, but Dad always told James that that wasn't true. Although James was an A and B student, he did not want to go to Harvard or Princeton. Instead, he spent his time acting in local plays and other things of that nature. One day when James was alone with Mom while Dad, Phillip, and Ali went to the bookstore, all James asked his mother was,"Am I doing something wrong, Mom?"

She got real quiet and glanced up into the sky, the sun landing bright on her face, and she said,"Just don't live with regret, James. It's an awful thing."

Mom was James's closest friend. They spent their time working in Mom's garden and James always got to lick the spoon whenever Mom was making cake batter for a cake. The two of them loved sitting at a table and eating a slice of pound cake and peachtea while they listened to the news from the TV in the living room. Mom didn't wear a watch; she didn't need one- she just knew when it was Tea & Cake time. It didn't matter where she and James were or what they were doing- if they were stooped over the garden, Mom would say,"Tea & Cake time," and they would stop their work and sit down to listen to what the news was going on about.

James was pondering about those memories and how it had been nearly a year since he had peachtea. He sighed and chuckled to himself, whispering,"Neither one of them got accepted to Princeton."

He walked over to Shadow and sat next to him, being careful not to accidentally sit on Fox who was napping on the couch. Shadow was watching another episode of Big Time Rush. When the commercials came on, he quickly switched it to the local news to check the weather.

"Boy, it's been so hot and dry."

"It's so hot my chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs."

James couldn't help but laugh. "Where in the world did you hear that?"

"Carlos."

Shadow starts to laugh and James shook his head. "That sounds like one of Carlos's dumb jokes."

After he checked the weather, he switched back onto Nickelodeon and kissed Shadow on the forehead.

"I've been noticing you've been starting to talk a little more. That's good. I'm very proud of you, son." He said, rubbing circles on Shadow's back.

"Well...you seem to like it when I talk."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because I get to listen to your voice. I get to learn more about you and your personality. I have someone to talk to about my day who'll share their opinion."

"Alaric never liked it when I talked."

Shadow looked into James's angelic face. Even when James had a concerned or sad look, he was still beautiful. James grabbed the remote and put the TV on mute.

"...Alaric's not like everyone else. Everyone wants to know more about you because they care."

"Who?"

"_Who_? Me, Carlos, Logan, Kendall, Grandpa and Granna, Alexa, the Rushers-"

"Rush...ers?"

"I- I'll explain that later."

James noticed that Shadow's face dimmed when he mentioned Alaric. James pulled him into a tight hug. A heavy tension of sadness rose in the air.

"You wanna talk about it, son?"

There was a pause and then James could feel him shake his head no into his chest.

"mmkay." James muttered, pulling them apart from the hug and giving him another forehead kiss,"I'll always be here if you want to."

Shadow nodded, and James got up from the couch and unmuted the TV.

"I'll be right back." James said as he walked out the front door. He walked out to the mailbox to see if he got anything.

"Mommy, catch!"

James zipped around and saw in the distance Lian Zhang throwing a baseball to her mother, Abril Zhang. They were both in their front lawn. The Zhang's were James's neighbors to his right. Abril's family moved from China when she was ten. Lian was a pretty 8-year old girl, and that made James wonder.

_Shadow is_ _seven isn't he? Well, he's almost seven..._

Without even getting his mail, James dashed back inside.

"Shadow! I got great news. Shadow?"

He saw a little head with a mop of black hair peer around the corner.

James ran over to Shadow and grabbed those little hands of his.

"I want you to meet the neighbors. They're really nice. I want you to meet a new friend."

A worried look was on Shadow's face and an eyebrow raised.

"Have you ever been around another child your age?"

"How old am I?"

His heart skipped a beat out of shock when he heard that he didn't know his own age. "You're six...You'll be turning seven in less than a month. So have you?"

He shook his head no.

"Well then, it's time to meet your first friend!"

Shadow reluctantly followed James out the front door, his legs feeling 1000 pounds heavier. The hot sun was beaming on them both, and Shadow was already sweating. Or maybe it was from nerves. He couldn't tell.

_Will they like me? What do kids my age do? Am I like them?_

Fortunately for James, Lian and Abril were still on their lawn. James and Shadow walked up to their house. "Abril, hi! How are you?"

"Oh, hello, James. We're doing fine. Manny is doing much better."

"I'm very glad."

"Thank you. So whose your little fellow behind you?"

James turned his head around to find Shadow cowering behind James's legs. James gently shoved Shadow in front of him.

"This is my son, Shadow. I don't know if you heard..." James really didn't want to explain that he saved Shadow from a sadistic man and decided to raise him- especially in front of Shadow and Lian.

"Indeed, I have," She crouched down to his level,"Hi Shadow, my name is Abril."

Shadow reluctantly shook her hand, fear evident on his face. The whole time he saw Lian studying him in the corner of his eye.

"And this is my daughter, Lian."

"...Hi." Lian said to Shadow shyly. Her voice was high and made you think of happy things and flowers when you heard it.

Shadow, on the other hand, remained silent with wide eyes. Shadow felt a big weight on him. He hadn't been in this much pressure in a long time. Everyone was crowded around him, wating for him to say something.

"..." Shadow tried saying 'hi', but nothing came out.

James chuckled nervously. "He- He's just a little shy is all. Maybe Lian can show him how to play catch. I don't think he knows how to play."

Lian immediately nodded. "Okay!"

Shadow was still tombstone still until Lian prodded him to follow her to where the baseball and gloves were. Although Shadow remained in a nervous wreck for the rest of the morning, he had met a new friend.

* * *

**I think I rushed this chapter a little, and I'm really sorry. I have a lot of homework this weekend, so I'm trying to hurry and type chapter 29 up.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Sorry I didn't post this chapter yesterday! I haven't gotten much sleep this past week, and I was like, "Yeah, I'll just take a nap first." Instead of a nap which should've taken two to three hours, I took a twelve hour nap...not joking...I just woke up. Anyway, this is the final chapter! Btw I went back to almost ALL of the chapters and changed as many typos I could find. Some of them were just plain embarrassing, like for example I'd write that James is doing something and put that it's Halston instead. I again apologize for all of the past typos and I have learned my lesson: read it before you post it!**

* * *

_Shadow's POV:_

More often, Daddy and some of his friends kept on talking about this thing called a "tour." I wasn't sure what that was, but one early morning in June, Daddy was putting some of my clothes in a bag with a big smile on his face.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" I asked, fear rising inside me.

"We're going on tour, remember? We're hittin' the road today!"

He still didn't explain to me what a tour was, but the next thing I knew, I was in a very large car, but it had beds and a bathroom. It looked really fancy too!

It was a long time before someone explained to me what a tour was and why the really big car was moving.

I had no idea what to expect and for how long we'd be on this "tour," but Daddy, Fox, Carlos, Kendall, and Logan were there so I knew I shouldn't worry too much. Everyday or so Kendall would yell out, "Phoenix!" or "Tucson!" or "Houston!" When he did that, it only made me even more confused. We would eat our breakfast and then I would watch TV with them. If we ever stopped for the night at a hotel, we would go swimming. I would always wrap my towel around me though because I was embarrassed about all of the scars that covered my body. One day while we were at a pool, Victoria got down on one knee in front of me and unwrapped my towel until it dropped to the ground.

"You just have to treat them like they're not even there." She whispered.

When I went swimming for the first time, I accidentally slipped under the water. But strong arms were around my waist, pulling me up.

"Put your feet down." Logan said.

But I was gasping and gagging and crying and I fell into Logan. I felt like I was in that nightmare I had a lot where I am drowning.

"It's all right, Shadow," Logan said, "You just lost your footing. When that happens, put your feet down."

"It's okay, Shadow," Kendall said, "Everybody goes under. Watch me." He ducked under the water and then broke through the water's surface, smiling. Then Victoria, Carlos, and Daddy did the same, coming up with grins.

"Just put your feet down," Logan said, nodding at the water. "I'm right here if you want to try it again."

After three false starts, I went under, keeping one hand up over my head and the other around Logan's waist. I did it again once more, and by the time we had to go back to the hotel room, I had, according to Logan's count, baptized myself twenty-one times.

We would stop at a big building in the evening, and we could hear a lot of yelling and screams but they almost sounded like happy ones. Carlos, Kendall, Logan, and Victoria would immediately get out, but James would stay with me until the very last minute.

Every night before we went to bed, Carlos would read to me from the Bible. He would first read over a chapter and then read it to me, but he'd add his own sound effects to what was going on or explain something to me if I didn't understand it.

Carlos was almost finished reading about Moses when suddenly we heard Kendall yell, "We're in Atlanta!" Then we heard Victoria cheer.

"Where is Atlanta?" I asked.

"Very far away from where we live, Shadow." Carlos answered. I could tell he wasn't sure how else to explain it.

He finished reading about Moses, and Carlos was right. It is the most exciting thing I've ever heard. Carlos looked like he was about to drop over when he pulled the sheet up under my chin. He kissed me on the forehead and told me goodnight. Then everyone else would come and do the same. When Daddy would come to tell me goodnight, I would close my eyes and listen to the hum of Daddy's words.

"What's wrong?"

I would look at him and I know he has that deep-rooted goodness Mama had.

I started sleeping in my own bed although I get nightmares about the shack and Alaric more often and then I run into Daddy's bed. But Daddy says I'm getting better and that he's very proud of me. I try not to think about the shack, Mama, Alaric, or the fact that Alaric is still missing, but I see Mama's face a lot in Daddy's. I also see Mama's personality in Carlos's, especially when he's reading to me.

One day Daddy asked me, "Do you know how Mama died?"

I nodded but I didn't look at him.

"Someday, you'll tell me about her, okay?"

I nodded and he didn't say anything else.

I always have nightmares, but I don't wake up from the nightmare where I'm drowning. All that time I thought I was having that drowning-nightmare but that's not what that was at all. It was just a dream, the best dream- one where Daddy pulls me up out of the dark water and sets me down in the bright of the day.


End file.
